Welcome to the Edge of Insanity

2 Years Later... Interview with Aidan.

2010-07-19T23:13:00.005-05:00

1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
"Clean up your room right now!" "Aidan, stop eating!"

2. What makes Mommy happy?
"Telling her jokes, giving her a sash" (Massage)

3. What makes Mommy sad?
"telling her lies, and having to spank my butt, and if you get food in her drink... that's all!"

4. How does Mommy make you laugh?
"Her funny face!" (hey!)

5. What was Mommy like as a child?
(insert hysterical laughter here!) "Hers liked dolls, I bet. that's a good question!"

6. How old is your Mommy?
...long pause... "that's hard! Really hard! I can't count that many on my fingers." (hmph)

7. How tall is your Mommy?
I think I know this...but you have to stand up. okay, about 45...am I right?"

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"get a massage from me! And eating. you like to eat. laughing.. you laugh a lot. more than you eat." (This is NOT boding well for one's self-esteem!)

9. What does Mommy do when you're not around?
"well, you like to play games, clean up...I suppose that's all. And if you play games with yourself, you can't cheat at Mario."

10. If Mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
"Hers sings beautiful!" (He does have hearing issues, folks!)

11. What is Mommy really good at?
"cleaning, that's all!"

12. What is Mommy not very good at?
"Not good at watching actions movies, because I she gets bored and plays with her phone."

13. What does Mommy do for a job?
"She does church"

14.What is Mommy favorite food?
"Salad...its always salad. There are a lot of questions about mom on here!"

15.What makes you proud of Mommy?
"Taking us to church, letting us go with Mr. Dave, what's the next chapter here?"

16. If Mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"I would say a princess with a "hindness"

17. What do you and Mommy do together?
"Oh my. That would be eating food. We sit by each other. It's good."

18. How are you and Mommy the same?
"okay, we aren't. Well, I guess we both poop." (Oh wow.)

19. How are you and Mommy different?
"I make the mess, and she doesn't. "

20. How do you know Mommy loves you?
"She takes me to Cheesecake Factory for my birthday, we go to the movies, and she holds me when I am crying. Thanks makes me like her a lot. "

21. What does Mommy friends like most about your mom?
"Well, I don't know about that, but I know that they gave her some gifts, and some food the other day. She cried, and then someone gave her a credit card. It was Jesus. He's her friend. So is Derek's mom. She's pretty."

22. Where is Mommy favorite place to go?
"Hmmm...I forgot the name, they have good salads... That's all, your Honor."

Read the initial interview here!

Passionately...Waiting?

2010-04-12T20:36:00.000-05:00

"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God."--Lamentations 3:25 (The MSG)

Does anyone else feel like the pairing of the verbs 'passionately' and 'waits' is a bit of an oxymoron? A bit contradictory?

In my mind, 'waiting' is like hitting the pause button on life...everything just stops, stands frozen, still, unmoving until the "waiting" is over. It can be agonizing, draining, cumbersome, anything but passionate!

As I walk though life with Christ, I have to continually throw myself at His mercies as I struggle to deal with waiting. To be honest, I feel that I have spent many years in an ugly out-and-out battle to simply...wait. I use the word "battle", meaning it in the full use of the term because I tend to adopt the "Esau-Syndrome" wanting to rebel against waiting. I wrestle with wanting to impulsively react to satisfy a short-term desire, want, or (what I deem!) a need--not even thinking that I am trading away God's blessings and His perfect plan and purpose for me. All because I just can't seem to grasp the concept of waiting. Especially when waiting stretches past a "season" and goes into years, that now stretch into what I call "desert lands"

...it is hard to remember God's timing is better than mine...His ways are higher than mine...and His understanding of my situations and that also of the world. I, to be honest, tend to revert to the Israelite's behavior as I walk through my personal "desert" in life. It is a constant struggle in my heart because I do not want to be so near-sighted that I cannot trust in the bigger plan that He has!

"Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord heard everything they said. ... “Oh, for some meat!” they exclaimed. “We remember the fish we used to eat for free in Egypt. And we had all...we wanted!” ...[The Lord directed Moses to tell the people] "...Lord heard you when you cried, “Oh, for some meat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. ...You will eat it...until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the Lord, who is here among you, and you have whined to him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”--Numbers 11:1-20 (New Living Translation)

"But it wasn't long before they forgot the whole thing, wouldn't wait to be told what to do. They only cared about pleasing themselves in that desert, provoked God with their insistent demands. He gave them exactly what they asked for— but along with it they got an empty heart..."--Psalm 106:13-15 (The Message)

YIKES!

The more I study the concept from a Christ-follower perspective of waiting, I am fully convinced it is one of the most challenging exhortations of Scripture for me. My natural progression of emotions during waiting periods, I have noticed is I tend become fidgety, fearful, frustrated, anxious, and sometimes even angry. I find myself screaming: "Am I really expected to just to...wait ...keep hitting the pause button, and just sit around twirling my thumbs until God hits the play button and gives resolution?"

My sweet Savior has listened to me beg for understanding on this subject, and recently He has laid an incredible thought on my heart:

That waiting, despite my impatience and incredible dislike for it, is a essential element in my relationship with God and how I ultimately reflect Him to others, especially my children.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord. Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord"--Psalm 40:1-9 (New Living Translation)

But He doesn't stop with just promises that He will be glorified through my trials. He gives incredible promises to those of us that are waiting...waiting on Him...waiting and trusting in Him.

"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:29-31 (New King James Version)

This verse just fills my heart with emotion. If you have ever endured a season that seemed never-ending, I am sure you know the feelings of weariness, a dragging heart, wanting to give up, contemplation of waving the white flag. This verse is like the most pure, clean water a man dying of thirst. It is the air to a woman who can't catch her breath. It overflows with hope!

"Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!"--Psalm 27:14 (New King James Version)

My prayers have been transformed as I have gone through this quest to understand and seek the Lord in this struggle to embrace waiting. I find that instead of begging for His timing to be harried...I am begging that He will strengthen my heart. That He will give me a new song to sing, and He will never let me forget the goodness He provides for me in this desert. Not to say that I do not have days and moments when I do wrestle with feelings of hopelessness in this situation, or wondering if it will be never ending...but I must remember what the Israelites were told just as they were about to enter the Promise Land after 40-years of wondering in the desert:

"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ...For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land...and you will lack nothing....Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God...He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. ...so that in the end it might go well with you." --Deuteronomy 8:1-11 (NIV)

God is leading me in my desert. He is near, guiding us through the tough and "waterless" waiting times in our lives. Giving us exactly what we need to survive and endure it! And the confidence to know that His promises to us will come, but all in His timing. Just as the sun rises and sets perfectly, or seasons come and go in perfect order... I love how confident David is when he wrote Psalm 130:5-6:

"I pray to God—my life a prayer— and wait for what He'll say and do. My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning, waiting and watching till morning."-- (The MSG)

One final, maybe random, thought that is massively encouraging that I discovered about the word waiting. The english word "waiting" (as in waiting on the Lord) comes from the Hebrew word "Qavah." There are several definitions to describe this word, all which I expected, except for the last definition:

(1) “look patiently”
(2) “tarry or wait”
(3) “hope, expect, look eagerly”
(4) “to bind together”

As we wait...we are not simply hitting the "pause button" on our lives, like I thought. No! Instead, God is lovingly binding Himself to us! I am a mother of 4-amazing fellas...all whom I would use a baby wrap to carry them when they were infants. So, when I hear the term "binding together," I picture the way a mother (or father) may wrap a new born child around her body to carry the child she will forever, unconditionally loves beyond description, through the day...close to her heart, safe in her arms. Isn't that a precious picture?

God knows some trials or deserts will be too much for us to endure...to long for us to travel...to heavy for us to bear. So He binds us to Him so that He can carry us through! It totally changes my perspective...the thought of God holding me close, as His child, close to His heart, safe in His arms... is all I need to hear to help me understand passionately waiting on the Lord!

"I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken." --Psalm 62:1-2 (New Living Translation)

"I will thank You and confide in You forever, because You have done it [delivered me and kept me safe]. I will wait on, hope in and expect in Your name, for it is good..." --Psalm 52:9 (Amplified Bible)

Eating for God--Month Two!

2010-04-02T19:15:00.003-05:00

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."--Galatians 5:21-23

I wish there were a way that you could step into my life for a moment and experience the incredible change that continues to rock my world. As God works to refine this area of my life, He has opened my eyes to how crushing this sin was to me. I really had no idea how suffocating the box I had put myself into because I was not living as God intended. Looking back even to my first post about my struggle, I am amazed at the freedom I experience now...the peace...and the joy! I am reminded of one of my favorite verses that totally embodies what I wish describe what God has done in my heart:

"...We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise."--Romans 5:1 (MSG)

Doesn't that verse just paint a beautiful picture of freedom? It stands in such a stark contrast to the verse that I identified with as I began this journey...and as I reread it, I am just overwhelmed with gratitude that Jesus is leading me further and further away from these burdens I could not stand under:

"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: ...a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; ...paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on..." --Galatians 5:19-20

I know you must be thinking that I am being a bit dramatic about over-eating, right? But, do you see that it wasn't the food that was the sin, which led to the life described in Galatian 5:19...it was the fact that I had put food before Christ in my life. That, of course, is the sin! So, being dramatic about food--no. Being serious about sin--YES!

"...Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet." --James 4:7 (MSG)

And true to His promises, Jesus is helping me "get on my feet!" People keep asking me what program I am following, or what my plan is...truthfully, I am praying every morning that God will just continue to help me make the right choices, and to honor Him above everything in my life. And He is! I am so excited to tell you that as of today I have lost (through God's grace!):

41 pounds!

I have never been able to lose this much before on any quest to lose weight. I have never lasted on a "diet" this long. I think it just affirms God's work in my life, and like what Galatians 5:21-23 promises God is giving to me as a gift: exuberance about life, serenity...a willingness to stick with things...a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people...loyal commitments, not needing to force this way of eating, able to marshal and direct my energies wisely.

God's Word is true...His promises are true...and in His Freedom I will live.

I'm thankful.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it..." --Romans 12:1-2

Running with His Grace

2010-03-16T13:17:00.003-05:00

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith...let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility He endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. ...No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. ...So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

....You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. ...No, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the Living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to countless thousands of angels in a joyful gathering. You have come to the assembly of God’s firstborn children, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God Himself, who is the judge over all things. You have come to the spirits of the righteous ones in heaven who have now been made perfect. You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks of forgiveness...

Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking...When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain...Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe..."

I don't think many of us cannot relate to weariness, exhaustion...maybe even a fear that a trial or a "season" may be never ending. I totally get it, and have been there many times myself. I know the crushing weight and burden of those fears...and I also understand the temptation to try to come up with a worldly solution to try to speed up or end the trial that is being suffered. Isn't it HARD to wait sometimes? Especially to wait patiently as God encourages us to do in Psalm 27:14 "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

But do you see the beauty of what God is saying to us in Hebrews 12... He reminds us that those who are close to Him, as well as those that are far from Him are a witness to how we are dealing with these battles. God is telling us that He doesn't want us to just crawl and drag our way through it...He says RUN the race! Run with confidence that Christ has already laid the footwork for us to come behind Him in His footsteps. God's precious Son has already run the same race, fought the same battles, endured the ultimate fight--AND WON!

Wow...being reminded of this is like taking a deep breath of His grace when I feel like I am about to suffocate.

When life is tough, it is so easy to go into our little hopeless bubbles of self, thinking no one understands, no one can relate...and we end up isolating ourselves and try to bear these burdens and trials alone. This is not God's design! It is a tool of evil. So what do we do when we feel like we are losing the race, or we just can't "run" anymore? The answer is right there in Hebrews 12:2..."we do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the Champion..." Sounds too simple to be actually work though, right? But here is the absolute truth of that statements: When we keep our eyes on Christ, we know that we, like Peter in Matthew 14, we can walk on water through the most intense storms of our lives. And when we not only can't "run" but instead we are drowning in the seas of our struggles, unable to endure the crushing waves of life...look up! Jesus is reaching His hand out to us to pull us up, to save us, to walk with us on the stormy waters! (Matthew 14:24-31)

The truth continues on to remind us that when we think we are alone and no one can understand...Christ does! He understands because He humbled Himself from the sitting at the right hand of the Creator of the heavens and earths to endure everything that we would ever struggle with, to conquer every trial.

He knows what it is to be weary,
He knows grief,
He knows betrayal,
He knows heartbreaking loneliness.
He even knows the really nasty uglies of our fallen world...
...to be beaten
...to be spit on
...to be ridiculed
...to be abandoned
...treated as if He were worthless.

He knows our pain, our hurts, our inequities...He suffered them with the knowledge that upon Him winning the battle there would be unfathomable joy, and profound peace that our broken hearts are desperately seek. He had sufferance so that we may have hope and endurance through His victory. And how blessed are we, that since we are called His, that He runs beside us in this race whispering in our hearts,

"You can do this! Keep going! You have already won because you believe in Me...I have seen the wonderful things that are on the other side of this! Keep going!"

There is such powerful hope found in John 16:31 (MSG) when Christ said:

"...The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

And be encouraged by God's promise of ultimate withstanding victory for you during whatever trial your are in right now:

"...but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain...Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe..." Hebrews 12:26-28.

Be unshakable in trials because Christ is in you...know you will endure, and you will make it through!

Stay on course of this race! Keep your focus on Jesus, and remember He is with you and you are not alone, and He is cheering you on with His promises!

"...In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! ...Give it everything you have, heart and soul. ...Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take." Joshua 1:1-9 (MSG)

I pray that your heart is overflowing with encouragement and promises from His Word. We serve a God of Good. Our God is a God of Hope and Victory. Be unshakable in Him!

Leaving my Egypt...

2010-03-09T21:56:00.006-06:00

"This is what the Lord says:
“Don’t let the wise boast in their wisdom,
or the powerful boast in their power,
or the rich boast in their riches.
But those who wish to boast
should boast in this alone:
that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord
who demonstrates unfailing love
and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth,
and that I delight in these things.
I, the Lord, have spoken!"
--Jeremiah 9:23-24

I am wrapping up 6 weeks of battling an ugly sin that reared it's head in my life. If you are interested (or really bored!) in reading the whole story, you can start here
and then continue to read how God continues to refine and heal me as I get serious about sin here and here.

At the risk of sounding repetitive (okay, I am!), God continues to blow my mind every time I step on the scale and see the numbers decreasing. It is crazy-hard to try and wrap my brain around the fact that I put food in place of my Savior, and not only does He forgive me, and comes to my rescue in this battle...but he blesses me on top of everything! Every time I step on the scale, I truly feel incredibly humbled and undeserving...and mostly overwhelmed with gratitude that God loves me even in my betrayal to Him and His place in my life.

One of the biggest things I have learned over these past few weeks as God draws me closer to Him, is that I chose this sin. I liked it....loved it, in fact. But Satan takes these little "cherished" sins that we maintain (choose to keep, or not acknowledge) in our life...sins that we think that we can control...sins that we think we can choose to "stop anytime we want"...the fact for me is that I realized I was not in control of it at all. It controlled me! I was, in fact, a slave to this sin. Praise the Lord, no kidding, that He is leading me out of this grip that sin has on my life! I love Deuteronomy 7:7-9 and how it speaks into my life (my inserts):

"God wasn't attracted to [me] and didn't choose [me] because [I was] big and important—the fact is, there was almost nothing to [me]. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to [me]... God stepped in and mightily bought [me] back out of that world of slavery, freed [me] from the iron grip of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know this: God, [my] God, is God indeed, a God [I] can depend upon. He keeps his covenant of loyal love with those who love him and observe his commandments..."

Just even typing that verse encourages my heart! And I am excited to share that as of this morning, I have lost 29 pounds! (Editors note: In my mind, I picture confetti and balloons falling from the ceiling!). I am excited about what God is doing in my life! I will tell you it is ALL God's workmanship. As the weight continues to come off, there have been some sweet friends that have noticed the subtle changes...and truthfully, I love to hear the encouragement! But I also have to stand guard that I do not, for one moment, boast on my own accord--because then I am not honoring God. I am working to honor God with my eating...and what I am not eating...but I also have to ensure that I honor God and give Him all of His glory.

"We have heard of Moab's pride—
her overweening pride and conceit,
her pride and her insolence—
but her boasts are empty."
--Isaiah 16:6-7

"My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice."--Psalm 34:2

Eating for God--One month!

2010-02-24T20:54:00.004-06:00

Okay, so I wrapped up a full month of eating for God. On a side note, I refuse to call what I am doing dieting. Refuse. When we diet, the goal is to lose weight.... In my case, that is not my goal (but a sweet blessing!), my desire is to honor and worship God by how and what I eat.

I will just tell you that this has been an amazing experience for me. The ravenous cravings are gone, and lack of control is healing. God is doing a miraculous work in me, and I cannot help but think of a Psalms that David wrote:

“O Lord,” I prayed, “have mercy on me. Heal me, for I have sinned against you.” Psalm 41:4

I know I have mentioned before, but allow me to reiterate one beautiful fact that sings in my heart everyday: The way that I desired food, the way I used food as comfort, the way I placed the importance of food in my life over Christ, I ignored the fact that I made food a trinket-god before the Holy One. (hello, first commandment, anyone?!) I confessed this to my Father, and amazingly, the One who created life--the One who commands the universe, the One who is to be greatly praised--not only forgave me, but is tenderly helping me overcome this struggle so I can honor Him. And not only is He helping me overcome this battle with food, but he blesses me in the process! I am so undeserving! It makes me laugh with pure astonishment when I see the pounds falling off! It is almost like a physical way to show a small portion of what He is doing in my heart.

So are you ready to hear the total weight lost these past 4-weeks?

24-pounds! (Little editor's note here: I so wanted to type 25 here...but I can't push myself to lose weight, because then I am focusing on the weight loss, and just replacing that as a trinket-god. I am really trying to guard against that!)

Whenever I start to even try to grasp this blessing, or even the fact that I am worthy of a blessing in this situation, I just CAN'T! But I love how God is a God of GOOD...and He desires good for us.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." --Psalm 37:4

Now, of course, don't get me wrong... I will honestly tell you that I have had two incidences where I stumbled. One was not so much what I ate...but how I ate it. I did not eat in a way that honored God at all. Which makes me go back to my point that I made at the beginning of this blog...if I were dieting...I would have not done a thing wrong! I was fine with my caloric intake, it was very healthy (tuna and half and avocado), but I knew that my heart was not in the right spot while I was eating the food. I was eating almost in a state of panic because I was hungry and was afraid that I would end up bingeing. But do you see the two emotions that I was feeding and running from? Panic and Fear. Neither of those emotions show a confidence that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." What I did in that moment is I did not put these emotions before the Lord...I tried to handle it myself. I took the hope that I have in Christ to help me in that situation, and tried to put a humanly fix on what only God can heal.

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Selah" --Psalm 62:8-10

I am so humbled by God's care for me in this journey. What an amazing God we serve!

"If you wake me each morning with the sound of Your loving voice, I'll go to sleep each night trusting in You. Point out the road I must travel; I'm all ears, all eyes before You. Save me from my enemies, God— You're my only hope! Teach me how to live to please You, because You're my God. Lead me by Your blessed Spirit..."
--Psalm 143:8-10 (The Message)

Leaving My Egypt--Day 10!

2010-02-05T21:34:00.008-06:00

Oh my goodness...what a crazy 10 days it has been!

I have lost (drumroll please!) 14 pounds! What so funny about it, is weight loss has not even my focus...I am really just trying to worship God in every area of my life--even in my eating...or in my case, worship Him in what I am NOT eating! I have already felt closer to Christ, my prayer life is growing (which I LOVE), and I just feel like God is just SO close. It's incredible. The transformation in my heart has been surreal. I am so calm around food, and I feel so in control. I mean, I know that I am not in control (hate to state the obvious there!), it is totally Christ's strength. It takes Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ring so true in my life. It has always been so easy for me to "sneak or cheat" on a diet, but now that I am dealing with the root of my problem (which is sin, not my eating OR my weight)...it makes it much harder to justify sneaking or cheating on God!

It is crazy that I struggle this much with eating!

It's hard to talk about sometimes because it is embarrassing, but the more and more I talk about it, the more people are coming up to me or calling me saying that this is them too. I must have spoken to at least 10 different women this week alone about this problem (food before God, body image, etc). I feel like it just, again, proves that this is a subject that so many women struggle with, but yet, no one wants to talk about because of the shame, embarrassment, feeling like they are the only one. So I figure I am going to talk about it! Now, please understand before I go any further, I am NOT saying that anyone who is overweight or struggles with body image issues is a sinner, NOT AT ALL... I am just sharing how this became a sin for me. In fact, I had an interesting conversation with a sweet friend this week, and she said that she had never thought about food being a sin. I had to explain it's not that FOOD is a sin...it became a sin FOR ME because it was replacing God's priority in my life. I was focusing WAY too much on what I would eat, when I would eat...and then I would counter with focusing on my weight issues, whatever diet I was on, or just being angry at myself for how I look: THAT's when it became a sin for me. And because I was not dealing with the root of my sin (or my problem, as I called it before I realized the correlation it had in my walk with Christ) I was always looking for a fix, or a solution...and then those "solutions" (like crazy diets) would then become my priority and obsession...which, honestly, just replaced the object of my sin with something else. Whatever we place before God is not right...even if it is something we think is perfectly innocent. The innocence in lost when we place it at a higher priority than Christ in our lives. The only obsession I want is a crazy-obsession for Christ...and only Christ.

For the most part this has been the easiest time in my life I have ever had not eating food. I have had moment these past few days where I have thought I wanted to just EAT... whatever I want, however much I want. Eat in an ugly way that would put my love for food over my love for God. I desperately do not ever, ever want to do that again. Especially since I have confessed and come to grips with the fact that I have placed food over God...that my sweet, precious Savior, the One who I have let down is not letting me down. He has not only forgiven me for putting something as stupid as food over Him, but in His Great Compassion, He HELPS ME to stop. It makes me want to weep every time I think about it. Through prayer and submission in those crazy-momentary anxieties, He helps me through! I am also SO, SO blessed to have amazing friends that I can text and beg for prayer in those tough moments. They don't ever trivialize it, or ever let me feel I am being dramatic over a silly bag of chips, or the fact that I cannot stop thinking about macaroni and cheese... Instead, they pray. I feel their prayers. I feel His peace.

God is SO great... He doesn't beat me down for my failures...but He sets me up for success through His grace and mercy. He is my Savior, and I am blessed.

My UGLY Truth

2010-01-26T13:57:00.006-06:00

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet." James 4:10

Whew. This is a tough one to even begin to type. It was hard to even say out loud and confess this to friends today. I have allowed myself to keep an ugly sin in my heart. In fact, I would even say that I cherish this sin--I don't really want to let go of it.

I love to eat. And I eat all the time. When I am happy, sad, lonely, tired, stressed, you name the main course of emotion, and I will tell you the food that I will have on the side.

I have gotten to the point that I run to food first before I even contemplate taking an issue to God. Or I will be heavy in prayer with something, while I feed my emotions with food without even giving God that chance. It is incredibly humbling to admit this...because it is just ugly.

Actually today, I had to confess that this is actually a major sin in my life. And it was really hard to verbalize those words out loud. I would even venture to say that if I analyzed this issue with a doctor or psychiatrist, they would probably say that I have an (over)eating disorder--but in God's grace to me--I know He showed me that FOR ME this is a heart disorder. This is an area in my life that I cherish the sin. To be honest, for years, I have made the choice to harden my heart to Christ in that area of my life.

I am in a mode of life that when I feel ANY sort of emotion-whether is be good, bad, tired, or overwhelmed--whatever!--I eat. And I totally eat in secret, alone and very rarely in front of people. (this is me being Eve trying to cover my sin with a fig leaf--as IF that is going to really cover anything at all!) I run to food FIRST versus running to Christ first. And a hard truth I had to confess this morning, and I don't even honestly want to type, is that in my relationship with Christ, I desire to boldly to say, "I love Jesus more than anything." But it is a lie because the ugliness of it all is I love food more than I love Jesus right now. That totally kills me to see that written out! So that is my bottom, as James 4:10 talks about: that sentence I just typed. I am sad and disappointed that I have not given my whole life over to Christ. The frustrating thing too, is that God has called me for some BIG things...filled my heart with that passion...(Almost to the point of driving me crazy!) but I know that He has not allowed it to be yet BECAUSE of my lack of full-surrender.

Galatians 5:19-23 screamed at my heart this week:

"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage (ME!); frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness (ME!); trinket gods (FOOD FOR ME!); magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness (ME WHEN I REFUSE TO EAT IN FRONT OF OTHERS); cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants (FOOD!); a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved (MY INSECURITIES WITH MY WEIGHT/LOOKS); divided homes and divided lives (I GIVE MY LIFE TO CHRIST, AND YET ALSO AM LOYAL TO MY FOOD ISSUES); small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions (HELLO--ME AGAIN!); ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom."

(AND HERE IS MY HOPE:)

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."

Whew. Talk about being brutally honest. So my heart prayer is now that I have confessed this...that God will breakdown this area in my life and let me fully surrender to Him. My heart is to serve Him everyday, but I need to stop feeding this sin in my life first.

I know I am not the only one either. I truly feel (and this is a big statement!) that this is an area that is SO cliche to speak to women about...so sensitive...and most women don't want to hear it. (I know I don't want to hear about it because I feel the huge blinking arrow over my head!) I feel that this is like porn for men. (I know that is a big comparison)! But for years and years, the church did not really touch this subject when speaking to men. I think we (as the church) knew OF the problem...but not the number of men that struggled with it. I think the "Food instead of God" issue is just as big, if not bigger for women. It's hard to talk about...I feel ashamed, and just plain gross about it.

My desire is not to lose weight (great if happens) or to fit into certain jeans, or even, honestly, for my physical heart to be healthy. My desire is that my heart (in terms of my relationship with my Savior) will be healthy, strong, and trimmed of unneeded fat (which is sin). I am praying that God will just honor that. I am at the point of having to pray before every meal, pray with every bite I take that God will help me stop when I need to stop...and not start when I need to turn to Him.

So I totally just laid all of this out there! I know some of you are questioning why bare my soul and sin? Here is why:

"Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn't rain, and it didn't—not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again." James 5:16

I have confessed to Christ...and now I am publicly confessing, so I can have the honor of your prayers through this battle of sin in my heart. It seems silly to ask for prayers to stop eating--but really my prayer is the God will be my priority on everything I do--including my eating. That I will NOT continue to allow anything to be a barrier to what Christ can do in my life and in my heart. I want to serve God, I want to lead others to Him, I want to live passionately in Christ, and a life above reproach. And just like James 4 says...I am getting serious, really serious...by putting this all "out there" I am also humbling myself so I can be held accountable.

I am excited about what God is going to do...and seriously appreciate your prayers.

What Jesus Does for Me...

2009-12-23T09:43:00.005-06:00

...He takes the shattered pieces of my life and makes a beautiful mosaic with His grace.

...He turns my cries of pain into tears of joy.

...He turns the water of numbness in my heart to the wine of His love.

...He takes burdens that are crushing my soul and carries them for me.

...He parted the Red Sea in my life when I had no where else to turn.

...He promises me not only will my boys be okay--they will soar with the eagles.

...He gives me hope when the world says I have none.

...He makes a tomorrow for me when I thought I could not make it another day.

...He pulled me up when I was drowning.

...He allows me to walk on water with Him through my storms of life.

...He saved me from the grips of eternal death and gives me the promise of eternal life.

...He took my empty cup of loneliness and sadness and makes it overflow with joy and laughter.

...He took my feelings of worthlessness and called me His daughter.

...He tells me I can stop seeking, because He has already found me.

...He shuts the mouth to the Lion of Depression. I know it is there, but I also I know it will not devour me.

...He breathed laughter into my Noah....and I am so thankful.

...He shields my children from the flaming arrows of hurt and rejection.

...He carefully put us into a family that embraces us.

...He lets me stand in the wide open spaces of His grace when I am suffocating in my box of selfishness.

...He heals me...not in a way the the world would say is healed, but so much better.

...He takes my breath away with His kindness when I could not breath because of sadness.

...He forgives me when I should not be forgiven.

...He builds beauty from the ashes left from the fires of my sins.

...He is the Light in my darkness.

...He gives me purpose in everything.

...He gives me everything that I do not deserve.

...He does not give me what I do deserve.

...He said, "Take me instead."

THIS is what Jesus does for me.

Beyond Thankful

2009-12-20T21:33:00.003-06:00

So I am having a hard time even beginning to type this blog. I am truly without words...but overflowing with tears...

I am just overwhelmed at the profound love my children and I were shown today. Psalm 68:6 just keeps running in my head over and over as I try to wrap my brain around the events that have transpired. "God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy." I know it is kind of an odd verse to be thinking of in this moment of sheer gratitude, but really it is not, and here is why: This church...Keystone Church...is, without doubt family to me. I was just telling a sweet friend of mine, that every weekend when I am in the building, I feel that I am surrounded by people that I absolutely love, and who love me back. I just think back six and seven years ago to how incredibly lonely I was! Please believe me when I say that I am not trying to make a sob story here...I just want you to be able to see my heart journey and WHY I am totally touched beyond description. Now onto the blessing of blessings...

Yesterday was such an awesome day for the boys and me. We were still excited about being able to participate in a God-given opportunity to bless an amazing family. I was excited, as a mother, that my children were able to really experience the JOY of giving to others, and the lessons it entailed. A wonderful friend called me and asked if she could stop by our house--after fair warning of my lack of make-up and that my boys tend to run around in underwear--I was excited to see her! She arrived with a Christmas tree and ornaments! We were pumped! When we moved this year, we had to get rid of a lot of things...and our tree was one of the first to go. So, how excited were we to have a beautiful tree now decorating our home! I was touched, really.

To be honest, I have not done anything for Christmas... The boys and I are in such an amazing place this year, especially compared to last year. This time last year, we were ALL struggling with heavy burdens. Struggling, honestly, to feel joy. God has been amazing in His love, compassion and teachings to us through out this crazy year to each of us. And through some really tough times, oddly enough, the boys and I have found total joy. Total happiness. Total contentment. So much so, that honestly, I just did not feel anxious about Christmas. Every time I thought about it, I just had a feeling in my heart that God has the boys and I exactly where we need to be, and I am just simply thankful for that! Each of us is so happy to be able to be back at Keystone, and back with our familyfriends...that I just could not think of anything beyond that!

The boys and I did our family devotional by the Christmas tree this morning, and as I was finishing up, I had the most ridiculous thought to check the front door. Weird, I know. I was thinking that too as I peeped through the peep hole. AND SURE ENOUGH there were two large bags on the porch! I was SHOCKED to see a new outfit for me, and brand-new Nike shoes for each of the boys, complete with socks. (Let me just pause right here and let you know, that who ever did this must really know how much I value shoes for my kids. I am not kidding at all. And to send SOCKS too...you are a true friend who knows me really well! If you have ever struggled financially, you know that shoes are a big source of worry!) The boys laughed and were so excited because "magically" they could all run super fast with the new shoes. (Don't you just love the way that works!) Sweet Caleb (my minister-in-training) comes back a few minutes later with a huge grin on his face and says,

"I feel so blessed...I know God does this so we will bless others."

Thus began my sob-filled day!

A few hours later, I remembered I had to put something in the car, and I walk out my front door to see a lovely white gift bag! Why hello! I was thrilled, and humored, to see the bag filled with Bath and Body Works "Stress Relief" lotions and potions! I LOVED it! I giggled and felt very loved and special. What a fun day this was turning out to be...

About an hour later, the door bell rings...of course, in my house that is code for "Elephant stampede to the front door." I hurdle over the boys (remember that I happen to be very competitive!) and open the door to see the faces of my VERY dear heart friends. I really do not have words for what I was thinking because I don't think I was thinking. The next few minutes are a blur in my mind. I guess I was trying to figure out if this was an intervention for my movie theater popcorn habit or something. I just know that all of a sudden my friends are putting gifts under our "blessing tree" (Editors note: the tears are flowing again as I think about these next few moments.). The boys are excited and one of my sweet friends says they want to show me something outside. I follow them out, and one of them is explaining they have a gift from my friends at Keystone. She opens her car to reveal a basketball goal for my boys. I lost it. I sobbed. I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel to know that my children are loved at this church. Not only are they loved but VALUED. What a thoughtful, caring gift for my children. They have had a tough, tough year...and honestly, I feel have experienced rejection more than they should at their little ages. It has always been a very sore, bruised spot in my heart. And to know that not only have they not been rejected...but embraced, and loved and and CARED for...I just can not explain how overcome with emotion I am. I am so excited to see them play with this over the years and know it was such a gift of love!

My sweet friends, then explained that they have arranged a Girl's Night for me! YIPPEEE! I am beyond thrilled!! Bless their hearts, I know they said other things to me before they left...but I was still crying about the gift for the boys, and still in shock! I do remember that they encouraged me to look through the basket that was made for me...

I went back inside and shared a sweet moment with the boys as we looked at the gifts under our tree. It was awesome. I know I thought, "It just does not get any better than this!" Now in reflection, I have to wonder if God sort of chuckled at that moment...as I began to look at the basket I was FLOORED by the number of gift cards and monetary gifts. FLOORED. I wept to see some of the names of those involved with this blessing to our family. And when I say 'wept,' please know I do not use that word lightly! I was crying SO hard that my little Shimmy (Jimmy, my 3 year old) kept coming over to console me! I think I scared him!

I am just so thankful. I am thankful for this family of believers...I am thankful that you love my children. I am so beyond blessed by each of you. Truly, truly from my heart and the center of who I am THANK YOU.

My eyes are beginning to swell shut because of the tears... Good night for now!

"God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy."

Excuse me, please

2009-12-16T21:49:00.001-06:00

Somehow I have messed with my blog, and cannot figure out how to make it presentable again...so please excuse the mess. :o)

What to REALLY register for when you are having a baby boy

2009-07-27T22:05:00.005-05:00

Okay, ladies. Time to get serious here! SO many of my friends are expecting, and I am getting baby shower invitations like crazy. Of course along with the invitation I also receive the glorified registry information. Being the nosey person that I am, I always love checking out what moms-to-be have registered for... And I scroll through page after page of cute blankets, the latest bottles, the strollers, I always find myself thinking, "Oh, if they only knew..."

So, TODAY is your lucky day! As a slightly insane mother of four boys, I am going to share with you what you SHOULD register for as soon as you find out you are having a boy.

1. An industrial-strength gas mask. Need I explain this? I think not...

2. Food. Lots of food--as if you were stocking up for the next Y2K. Give your sweet little bundle of joy a few years, and he will soon eat you out of house and home! Stock up now, otherwise you will NEVER have a chance of EVER having a full pantry. EVEEEEER!!!!

3. A Mega-Phone...

4. ... and one that attaches to a machine with the following recorded phrases: Stop it. No. Sit Down. No. I said No. and the most important phrase: AIM INTO THE BOWL!!!

5. Bleach. I know there are probably a few of my environmentally-friendly moms who would protest the use of this chemical, but, TRUST ME, what we are bleaching helps keep the phrase "Skid Marks" as a term only used when referring to actual roadways.

6. Toy swords. Now, I am sure you may want to skip this item as you might think it may encourage violence. But let me tell you from personal experience...either you buy your boys swords or they will get creative. Boys and creativity are not always a good thing...so if you forgo store bought swords, just be prepared to use #4's last phrase OFTEN, if you get what I am sayin'.

7. Forget "What to Expect When You are Expecting" the only book you need to register for is How to make Bomb/Crashing/and Gun-Noises for Dummies. This is a MUST, ladies. If you cannot conquer these techniques you will lose credibility FOREVER. (I do offer classes for a small fee if you are interested.)

8. Botox. I know... interesting, right? But, trust me--it is to hide any trace of fear. Once they see your brow furrow over some reptile or bug they have brought in to "show" you...just know it will find a way into your sheets, or other random "SURPRISE--I SCARED MOM!" places. NEVER SHOW FEAR, Ladies!

9. Ear Plugs. Now I know you must be thinking the ear plugs will be for you, right? NOPE. These are for your precious little dude, or dudes. Why you ask? Let me explain that you will have days like this one, which will result in yelling that will reach a pitch only dogs can hear. And of course, as mothers, we DO want to protect our angel's little ears right?!

10. Personalized stationary. No, not with your name or fancy monogramed initials...but with the simple phrase "I am so sorry..." Check out a few times when this would have saved me a few pen strokes: the church germ incident, when pain is unintentionally inflicted on innocent bystanders, when they strip to their skivvies in public, or began one of the most traumatizing moment in not only your personal life, but also cause your neighbor to gouge out his eyes.

(Editors note: There has been a several hour delay to complete this blog due to the flashbacks of the most traumatizing moment. Apparently, I was found curled up in the fetal position mumbling something about "why? Why? WHY?!")

Anyway....

My final words of advise? Be prepared, have a plan, arm yourself! And be ready for the best time ever...I would not trade those dirty-faced little kisses, or the hugs that leave white powdered donut residue on my freshly dry cleaned black pants for the world! I am a PROUD mother of 4 wonderful boys.

2009-04-13T11:44:00.003-05:00

I am sitting here in total awe how God works! I am humbled to know how God has shown such provision over my children and me these past few weeks...even to the smallest of details!

I am so blessed by precious friends that have poured out encouragement and love to us! I wish that I could begin to write how thankful I am...how loved I feel...and how I praise God for all of my Keystone family. Most people do not know the extent of how the boys and I are going through a life-change, but my friends did not seem to NEED to know the specifics, they just heard of a need of responded in a BIG way!

I am overwhelmed with such a flood of positive emotion as I go over the events of this past weekend. So many friends came to help me pack my house...over 20! We had my entire house packed in less than 3 hours!! One thing that struck me, is not one person acted like this was a chore, or something they felt obligated to do... everyone had such a spirit of celebration! It was amazing! So many details were taken care of... I cannot wait to tell you the whole story soon. It is a miracle and just beyond words. I am so, so blessed. My heart is filled nothing but JOY.

God is SO good!

"As a result of your ministry, they will give glory to God. For your generosity to them and to all believers will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ. And they will pray for you with deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you. Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words." 2 Corinthians 9:13-15

"Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God." Philippians 1:3

An interview with my Aidan. (age 4)

2009-03-19T21:14:00.004-05:00

I got this list from my friend Amanda's blog...I thought I would make a few changes, and post Aidan's responses!

1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
"Aidan clean up your room, and say yes ma'am" "oh, and don't pee in the outside, it's rude."

2. What makes Mommy happy?
Mommy is happy when I sing songs.

3. What makes Mommy sad?
When I don't help Shimmy (Jimmy!)

4. How does Mommy make you laugh?
When hers tells jokes...especially when the Monkey Crosses the Road. Its so funny.

5. What was Mommy like as a child?
She had a mommy.

6. How old is your Mommy?
She is really big, but no stripes. (I think he meant wrinkles!)

7. How tall is your Mommy?
Tall like a football player.

8. What is his favorite thing to do?
Go home.

9. What does Mommy do when you're not around?
Find some other people to be around. (he was quite proud of this answer and ended it with "...hmmm...not bad!")

10. If Mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Because she be beautiful!

11. What is Mommy really good at?
Good at computers and flushing the toilet. (I laughed, and then he said, "I know that is funny, but I know it! Yep!")

12. What is Mommy not very good at?
Fixing the roof, thats it.

13. What does Mommy do for a job?
Praying at church.

14.What is Mommy favorite food?
Salad

15.What makes you proud of Mommy?
Make the nice food at McDonalds.

16. If Mommy were a cartoon character, who would he be?
A race car because hers race to win and take the other cars down. (insert race car noises here)

17. What do you and Mommy do together?
I am thinking, I am thinking...we go places fun.

18. How are you and Mommy the same?
We have the same color shirts....hmmm I am getting smarter.

19. How are you and Mommy different?
We wear other shoes.

20. How do you know Mommy loves you?
Hugging me and says I love you so much.

21. What does Mommy friends like most about your mom?
They love hers because hers have a beautiful dress.

22. Where is Mommy favorite place to go?
A place that has salad...its called Walmart.

EVER WONDER??

2009-02-14T21:18:00.002-06:00

Have you ever seen someone's shoe lying in the middle of the road, and wonder, "how in the world?!?!"

Well, wonder no more.

It seemed like we toured all of North Texas today while running errands before church. I happen to see a red shoe in the middle of the road on 1709. Thought in the moment, "how does someone lose a shoe IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?!" About an hour later, I drive past the same red shoe...and drive past it again on the way to church.

Trying to unload the boys, only to notice Jimmy wearing just ONE red shoe.

This is my life.

A 'brief' movie review

2009-01-17T20:30:00.002-06:00

We are a family of routine. We all have our certain way of doing things. For instance: every morning, Noah and I discuss the weather...then proceed to argue why we do not wear shorts when it is 30 degrees outside or a sweat shirt in the TEXES summer! Another example is as soon as Caleb takes off his shoes (outside), his socks are to IMMEDIATELY go to the washing machine (please see "My Nose is on Strike" post for details). Need one more example? If you ever drop in for a surprise visit to my home, just know you will see Aidan wearing the bare minimum of required clothing (most of the times not even that!). It is just our way...and I have never had a problem with any of this until TODAY.

I thought that I would be a good mother and take my little angels to the movies. This is quite a task, might I add. Popcorn arguments, candy arguments, drinks spilling as we walk, blah blah blah... To get into the actual theater, I feel like I should go ahead and book my room in the insane asylum for the following day. No kidding.

I get everyone seated and settled, only to turn around to see that Aidan has made himself quite at home--wearing nothing but Scooby Doo underwear. I begin the talent of speaking through gritted teeth all while still smiling (a skill mothers earn!) and Aidan quickly remedies the situation ... we begin to settle in to watch the previews, as I start to catch my breath from counting backwards from 10. Feeling that everything would be okay now, I am beginning to redeem my "Good Mother" feelings once again...I look at my children sitting happily munching on their munchies...sweet little Jimmy eating a hotdog. Sigh... life is good, until I remember one horrifying detail:

I. did. not. buy. hotdogs.

My New Blog Designs...

2008-12-17T20:47:00.003-06:00

Just wanted to send a huge thank you and shout-out to my wonderful friend, Amanda, for her work on designing my new blog! She even designed the title bar. Don't you just LOVE it!?!? I do!! I am so thrilled!

I just thought while I was sending her a shout out, I would share my thoughts about her. I am in a list mood today, so here we go again with another list!

1. LOVE her blog. It is profound, intelligent and filled with hope. I sat and read her blog for like 12 hours straight. It was like reading a novel on someone's life...it is AMAZING to see her journeys through life.

2. I have massive respect for Amanda. She carried herself with an air of grace that I have never seen out of anyone before. I have such admiration for her...I really would aspire to be half the woman she is!

3. What a writer! What a gift God has given her!

4. What a mother she is to her children!

5. Amanda is so compassionate. I think she embodies the verse, Corinthians 1:4 to the fullest.

6. We are in the same CG, and I had shared a prayer request for one of my children. OF COURSE when we started praying about it as a group, I got a little sniffly. We hardly knew each other at this point, and in such a tender way, reached over and held my hand for the rest of the prayer. Ugggg..the tears well up even as I type and remember that moment! It was so caring and gentle...a sweet, sweet moment for me.

7. I am SO proud to call Amanda my friend. She is one of those women that I know God has placed in my life for me to aspire to be like...

8. Seriously, I think she posts the funniest FB comments. So is so funny.

9. She has a lot on her plate, but she is always calm and steady.

10. She once bought me a starbucks to work. It was SO kind! Made my week to know that someone thought of me. Makes me smile now even thinking about it.

I really am thankful for my friend, Amanda!!!

A day's worth of Honest Scrap

2008-12-17T19:28:00.003-06:00

Wow! So I guess since both my pals, Holly and Diane (BOHANNAN!!!!) bestowed the Honesty Scrap award to me, I thought I would put a little spin on my second posting... I will be honest about my day today!

1. I did not want to wake up this morning. I am sure most people would agree with me on this one, but the honesty kicks in here: I negotiate with myself. I think things like this, "Okay, I will snooze until the next odd number ending in a 7." Or one of my favorites, "I will just lay here until I reach a number that is prime while also even." I know. Craziness....and it doesn't help that I am trying to figure out numbers at 5:30 in the morning anyway!

2. It AMAZES me that after much thought, efforts, organization, crying and screaming (on my part!)--there is always one child that cannot find his shoes, backpack, sock, toothbrush or underwear that has the pattern and preferred fit in the morning. I feel like my eyes bulge out of my sockets every morning before 7:30. I am totally not kidding. But in my defense, try getting ready for work, getting the younger two ready for the nanny, older two ready for school, 4 lunches, 8 shoes, 80 teeth to brush, etc, etc, all by yourself every single day--and get to work before 8:00. Not complaining...just saying! (Side note: it is always the same child that can never find his stuff too!)

3. I checked with Eric (my go-to-guy for spiritual questions) and he agreed that it is okay I do not do my devotional in the morning (see above for explanation!) I should do it when I can give my best, and be open to what God is telling me through quiet time.

4. When I am at work I think I go into a zone. Several people have commented on it...so sorry! I get very serious and focused, and I forget to smile and be the fun person I can be. I think I did this today...yikes! Good thing everyone up there likes me anyway!

5. Okay...here is a good one. Being very honest here. Due to several bad ear infections, and also having 4 boys, I am slightly hard of hearing... especially when there is other noises other than what I focusing on. Today, one of the guys was saying something to me, I totally couldn't hear what he was saying, so he said it again. Still did not hear him. So I just smiled and went and sat down at my desk. He was probably asking me a question too. sigh...

6. Talked to Martha (wink wink) on the phone at work today...and I didn't rush the conversation either. I have piles of work to do, but I took my 10 minutes and laughed and giggled and felt very happy.

7. Once I leave the office at 3, it is non stop until bedtime. I have no idea where the time goes. It seems like this is a "non-time period." It is the strangest thing. It is the black hole of the day.

8. We went to Target to grab stuff to make dinner tonight. We have a standard two-cart trips. One cart hold the little boys, the other cart holds the bread and stuff we are buying. We have a crazy, crazy method of how we operate when in stores. Very militant. I guide the group, pushing the little boys, Noah follows me pushing the groceries, while Caleb helps steer Noah's cart when needed. Today was different. Caleb wanted to push the grocery cart. I do not like change, but I was trying to be a good mother and easy going. (I am NOT easy going, so I don't know why I bother trying!) Let me just end this paragraph by telling you it REALLY hurts when the shopping cart runs into the back of your heal for the 10th time in 4 minutes. why 4 minutes you ask? After 4 minutes, Noah was back in charge of the grocery cart, and my eyes are bulging out of their sockets once again.

9. I love my new SUV. It has changed my life!! I love the space! But the funny thing is, now we have a whole extra row of seats, and all the boys still cram into the same row! What's with that?!

10. I really don't like sharing my drink. All the boys always ask me for a sip of whatever I may be drinking at the time. I always feel stingy for saying no...so I end up saying yes. So what happens?! When I go for a drink of MY drink it is always gone. I am sitting here staring at an empty water bottle that I just opened. I think my eyes are starting to bulge again...

You love me, you REALLY love me!

2008-12-12T19:35:00.002-06:00

I won! I won! Thanks to Holly Peterson (www.holpertson.blogspot.com) bestowed this wonderful Honesty Blog award on me. I am so excited....so here I go. 10 Honest Things about Me:

1. I am so competitive. We have discussed this before...but just to reiterate, I am crazy competitive. In fact, when called Sandi to tell her about this "award"--I had to hurry up and post before she did! And just to take it one step further in my honesty, when I saw that I was listed AFTER Kelly Jones (LOOOOVE HER!) I was secretly bothered...but at least I made the first line, right?

2. I over think EVERYTHING. Just ask Eric Colquett. I drive him nuts in the office...

3. I have a secret joy in driving Eric nuts in the office. Bwahh-hahahaha...... (that is my evil laugh, could you tell?!)

4. I love practical jokes. love, love, love jokes. Without naming names, I had a fake snake in the office and SOMEONE screamed like a girl. Bwahh-hahahaha....

5. I have a crazy fear of my children doing drugs...so I made them watch Intervention on A&E...yeah, I doubt they will ever do drugs. Or even white tic tacs, because they look like drugs.

6. I get really nervous when people help me...or even offer to help. If I accept the help, I cancel at the last minute 90% of the time. But the Lord has put great friends in my life that don't really care if I am nervous. They insist. That, or Sandi will accept on my behalf. Poor Rachel Bruce offered to take my boys to school on Fridays (my off day) so I could just stay at home with the little dudes. I kept saying, "no, no no..." and Sandi walked up mid-conversation, and said, "what in the world? " turns to Rachel and makes all the plans. haha...

7. I NEVER try clothes on in the store. Ever. Why you ask? don't ask.

8. I have an unhealthy love of makeup. It's really bad, people...REALLY bad, I tell you. In fact, I think I am going to start my own makeup review on my blog...because I have tried it all!

9. Interesting fact: I won first place in a photography contest in the state of Kentucky. My photo hangs in the Cincinnati Airport.

10. I pray for my children--I pray that God will be their center. I pray that they will find and be confident in their purpose for Him. I pray that they will know, and surrender themselves to the gifts God has given them.

Great moment in my life...

2008-11-21T19:35:00.003-06:00

I wish I had a way to even begin to tell you what a special moment and gift I received a few weeks ago. I had helped Brandon and Brian plan a trip to Washington D.C. for the series "Letters to the New President." I had mentioned to Brian that my father was buried in Arlington National Cemetery. Due to some family drama, my older brother and I have never gotten to see where our father is buried.

I was incredibly touched and honored when the guys came back from their incredibly busy trip and showed me some wonderful photos they took of my dad's grave. Poor Brandon, I had to literally run out of his office before I went into the ugly, squeaky cry. Seeing it, was so much more emotional that I had anticipated.

That following weekend, I was sitting in church, and watched the bumper for the series, and to my TOTAL shock, Brian (bless his heart) included my dad! My sister-in-law, Kylie, and my boys sitting with me, all looked at me and say, "That's it!" It was just such a full-circle God moment in my life. I cannot even begin to tell you the emotions that have swept over me...I feel that these leaders in my life, took care of me. I felt so touched that they loved me (in a sense) to give me a gift that is beyond description. I feel that God was saying to me, "I have you right where I want you. These leaders, this church, these people are your family."

The magnitude of what they gave to me I could never even begin to express. I have watched this video almost every single day since. My favorite part is after the grave is shown, the next clip is of two people, one who has their eyes covered. It chokes me up every time because it just seems so symbolic of my older brother and I.

**And just as a side-note, Kara Baggett (love her!) asked me the following weekend, if my Jimmy was named after my Dad, James.... I was so proud to say yes!

#6

2008-11-21T14:28:00.002-06:00

Actually, to be honest...this post could actually be #1. I questioned even if I should include this one in my lineup. I will try and write this post as delicately as possible....and you will understand why after reading it.

Have you ever watch the movie "Father of the Bride?" My all time favorite movie series EVER. Love it. Practically have the whole movie memorized! If you are familiar with the movie, you know FRANK, who is the crazy wedding planner played by Martin Short. Short adapts a funny accent which also consists of the intermixing of incorrect vowels pronunciation. For instance: Tap would be pronounced with a long a, so it sounds like "top." Now that I have explained this, one with my humiliation...

Once again, I am in my wonderful office setting. It is my boss's birthday, and as per office tradition, we always get birthday cake. Of course, since I am the only female in the office, I thought I would serve the cake. I make the announcement over the intercom for everyone to gather around the conference room table...as these engineers file in one by one, I decided to try and lighten the mood with my WONDERFUL sense of humor. Great move on my part. (read: sarcasm at it's fullest.) And on a little side note...the typical engineer does not appreciate my sense of humor either. Anyway, I start serving the slices of cake, and decide on a whim to talk like Frank. "Would you like some cake?" I say in my funny accent. I notice the guys are getting quiet, and there is an odd sense of awkwardness in the room. I look around to make sure my dress hasn't fallen or something like that (please see previous posts explanation of my paranoia.) but I see nothing...so I am good, RIGHT?!?

"Cake for anyone else?" still being 'funny' with my accent. In that moment, I had an epiphany of what was actually coming out of my mouth. If you say CAKE with the pronunciation I mentioned in the forward, you will quickly understand what was REALLY coming out of my mouth in front of 30 male coworkers. Go ahead...sound it out. Cake with a long a. *WARNING: do NOT sound this out loud!

Yep. That's right. THAT is what I was saying with such humor over and over again. Cake with a long a.

Me and my stupid mouth.

2008-11-16T20:42:00.000-06:00

Just thankful...

2008-11-13T21:03:00.002-06:00

I totally hit a brick wall of emotion yesterday. Complete meltdown, no kidding.

BUT:

Through out the day, I received random phone calls, emails and texts from my sweet friends. One, especially from my buddy, Stephanie Minor, that just blew me away. I am so glad and humbled that God has put such wonderful friends in my life that care about me, and are respond when God put me on their heart. I needed all the encouragement that I could get yesterday...and I got more than what I thought I needed.

Love you all....and thanks.

#7

2008-11-09T22:22:00.003-06:00

I had my husband's (VERY conservative) Aunt and Uncle over to our house one night. Of course I was in full-on-stepford mode...making dinner, trying (with every bit of who I am!) to keep the boys clean and clothed. (If you know my boys, you KNOW their desire to strip in the oddest of places and the worst of times.)

With a pat on the head, I send Noah (5 at the time) off to brush his teeth before bed. I begin to clear the dinner plates, and I see Noah come running from the bathroom, gagging. (I feel the on-set of panic...) I jump over to him to try and attempt to calm him before he frabs in front of everyone. (Because THAT would be embarassing...as I say with the rolling of my eyes) Before I reach him, he throws something across the room and says, "That toothpaste is GROSS!"

At that same moment, I hear an almost-inaudible, "oh, my."

I look to see what my husband's elderly aunt was looking at with horror: Sitting at the base of the uncle's feet was the tube of 'toothpaste' my son had thrown....expecting to read Colgate, or Crest, I see the one word that made me share the feelings of horror:

MONISTAT.

My therapist started charging me double soon after this...

#8

2008-11-09T21:50:00.002-06:00

Grace is NOT at all something that I am known for...in fact, I think I would be described as quite the opposite!

Case in point: I was coming down the escalator in a mall (during busy Christmas days, of course). A stroller, 3 and 5-year old are just not a good mix. I know this... I warn the boys the closer we get to the bottom to be careful...pay attention...DONT FALL. So what do I do!?!? I FALL! And it was not a normal fall, my friends. This was the mother of all falls...

...On my back (I have no clue how this even happened!) my legs fly up in the air (I saw my knees, just to let you know how bad it was) and the legs proceed to go OVER my head and touch the ground behind me. Yes, that is right...just take a moment and get a visual of the rude position I was in....I didn't know that I was that flexible! It was so bad, that I think my brain went into slow motion, and I remember thinking, "hmmm...if I just keep with the motion, I can do a backwards somersault and shout 'ta-da' and maybe people will think I meant to do this."

I really don't remember what happened next, except I guess someone helped my twist out of my craziness, and I think I made an attempt at a joke, but that fell just as flat as I did!

As I scurry from the mall as fast as I could push the stroller and drag the kids...my precious kindergarten age, Noah says:

"Mommy made 'V' with her legs."

#9 Most Embarrassing Moment

2008-10-27T18:07:00.003-05:00

I am feeling a rush of emotions as I begin to type this next post. Dread, dire humiliation, sorrow for those involved, and of course: embarrassment. So, lets hurry up an get this over with!

I am 9 months pregnant with my second child, Caleb (as I type this I notice a trend...), and for some reason (shockingly) I was alone in the house with little Noah, who was just under 2 years old at the time. Before I go on, let me just tell you about my precious Noah: He has the ability to frab (in consideration of Sandi, we will just use that word instead of barf) at the worst possible moments.

So, it is 9:00 at night, and Noah had, for whatever reason, frabbed. In order to save the carpets, I positioned myself to be a human sacrifice. Completely grossed out I stripped myself of all the clothing and dumped them straight into the washing machine. (side note, the washer and dryer are located right beside the front door of the army housing where we lived...GREAT design plan. really.)

Anyway, (of course, my luck!) so happens some person knocks on the door just as soon as these events occur... I had absolutly no intention of answering the door, and (thank the good Lord) pulled my just washed non-maternity robe out of the dryer...when I see Noah fling open the front door to reveal my male neighbor. Panic arises in my throat at the awkwardness of him seeing me in my robe...but I assure myself that it is him who should feel awkward for obviously interupting me at a bad time...and BESIDES my robe almost touched the ground, so I was covered, right? (Please insert the rolling of my eyes at this moment.)

I calmly greet him, while keeping my arms folded over my chest to ensure there would be no gapping of the robe (because we MUST be modest, right ladies?)! He just stands there and looks at me with an expression on his face that cannot be classified with words.

He looks at me.

I look at him.

Finally he askes me if this is a bad time, and I respond with some generic answer, beginning to get annoyed that he is acting so weird and taking up my time. I see his face getting red and he mumbles something about coming back later. Totally annoyed now, I close the door, gently scold Noah to never open the door again, and walk upstairs to take a shower...only to be greeted with my reflection in the full-leangth mirror. And my friends....I now understood this poor (now scared) man's facial expression. My non-maternity rob did a GREAT job of covering up my chest. However, everything belly and below was WIDE open. Let me just tell you...it was NOT pretty. To those people that say when a woman is pregnant, that is when she is sexiest...liars! Trust me, there was nothing "radiant" or "glowing" about me at this moment (unless you count the reflection of the bathroom lights on my stretch marks!)

I totally lose it and call my husband in hysterics. I explained what happened and this is how he responded:

"Whoa...and I know you haven't even shaved you legs in like a month. Rough."

Just poor lemon juice on my paper cut, why don't you?!

...and so began my therapy.

Most Embarrassing moment #10

2008-10-22T19:30:00.004-05:00

On the heels of my Keystone Staff shout out, I realize that I should post another promised blog...the dread 10 most embarrassing moments of my life. Instead of a list (which I LOVE lists!) these deserve their own posts. It has taken me a while to build up the courage to even post some of these...but seems my therapist thinks it will help me get over my issues. haha...

#10:

Right after the birth of my second child, Caleb, I returned to work at a high-level military office where I was an assistant to a full-colonel and his staff. Now, before I go on, let me just say one thing, that I am sure other moms will back me up on: You go through phases after you birth a baby, one of which is feeling some-what skinny and excited that you can fit into normal clothes that were not made out the same material and patterns that make tents. (This SHORT phase is then followed by a period of feeling fat...this phase lasts...well, I am not sure if it ever goes away!) But on with the story:

I was feeling rather thrilled that I was able to wear a silky long skirt that had a cute tie waist. Of course, these are the days before spanx, so I wore a very sexy pair of control top nude pantyhose with reinforced toes just to smooth things up a bit.

This skirt was GREAT...light weight, flow-y, blah blah blah. I had slight troubles with the tie waist, only because is was so silky that it didn't stay tied, but no big deal, right??

(I know you know what is coming!)

So I leave my office and prance (enjoying my non-pregnant walk!) down the hallway, I pass a retired general that I worked with, I smile and say hello...only to hear in retort,

"WHOA!!! HEY!!!" followed by one of those wheezing laughs where only the first haaaaaaaa gets out.

I pause and begin to turn around, to see what the commotion was about...however, in mid-turn, I happen to catch my foot on something. I look down, and I see my skirt PUDDLED around my feet!!! He was "Whoa, hey"ing and doing the silent laugh at ME!!!

Of course I bend over (on a gracious note to my blog readers, if this ever happens to you, NEVER BEND over...), scoop up my skirt and RUN the nearest bathroom (that happened to be the mens!) and sobbed there for an hour.

If you want to know what I was crying about, I will let you know. It was not the fact my skirt fell, or the general saw it, I was so upset because all I could think was the fact that instead of normal underwear that day, I had decided to wear my purple MATERNITY underwear. And let me go back to the beginning of the blog where I mentioned the control-top pantyhose....All you ladies out there that have ever worn maternity underwear, you know what I am talking about. These are the grandmother of all granny-pannies. And to have them crinkled up under nude pantyhose of a woman who is just a few weeks postpartum?!

I disgraced all womanhood that day.

Now THAT is what I call a prayer walk!

2008-10-19T21:39:00.004-05:00

You know, someone who shall remain anonymous (A-P-R-I-L C-O-L-Q-U-E-T-T), laughed today at church in disbelief of my stories of my life with 4 boys under 9. Let my just tell you, friends...they are ALL true. And I have my therapy bills to prove it!

Actually, this is a sweet little note about my Caleb. (Whom, I believe is a minister-in-training!)

He came home from school with a red mark on his forehead. I casually asked what happened, totally expecting to hear that alien life forms came to Earth and tried to kidnap him, or maybe a football injury from recess when he made the winning touch down or something.

But no! This was his reponse:

"I was praying for Mr. Rob's twin babies, and I ran into a wall."

Hmmm... laugh at the obvious, or bawl because my baby has the heart of angel?!?

hose whoas

2008-10-17T19:49:00.003-05:00

You know your house is REALLY in need of cleaning when you walk into the living-room and your 2-year old is "cleaning" the house with a jet-sprayer attached to the outside garden hose. Items hit: Big Screen TV (don't tell my hubby!), popcorn ceiling (don't tell my inlaws!), couch (See below), and my face while I make a mad grab for the offending child.

Customer Care Outsourcing is stoopid

2008-10-16T11:15:00.002-05:00

I would like to invite you into a conversation I had today with the Customer Care hotline of American Airlines:

Customer Care Agent: "Good morning, my name is James, how can I help you?"

Me: "Good morning, James, how are you?" (trying to start off on a positive note...)

Customer Care Agent: "I am sorry, ma'am, I don't understand the question, let me refer you to someone else. Hold please."

Me: ... (stunned silence)

Keystone Shout-Out: Staff Edition

2008-10-14T07:30:00.000-05:00

Do you remember the series called, "You Asked For It?" I will divulge a little secret to you...there were a TON of questions about the Keystone Staff and the behind the scenes questions.

Well, of course, this got me thinking about doing my own little blog about my favorite stafferies. (I totally just made that word up, but I like it, don't you?! But if Beyonce can get "bootylicios" in the dictionary, I THINK stafferies is a shoo-in.)

Let's start with the Big Pappa himself...don't ya just love him?!? Even my grandmother who is hard-core Episcopalian loves him! (Brandon reminds us both of my wonderful (and perfect) brother, Mat.) What I really like and admire about Brandon is the undeniable passion for his mission from God. He is so passionate about bringing people the "a whole notha' level" in understanding God's love for us and our value in Him. Amazing stuff. I respect Brandon's leadership, creativity, and fact that he does not ever allow his position of authority to ever be about himself. Of, course we all know about Brandon's bean quirk: He eats NOTHING with beans. No beans, ever....except for coffee beans. I really don't know if I have ever met someone who loves Starbucks more than Brandon! And, I must admit, that since he is like, the last person, besides myself that is still a fan of Survivor, just gives him bonus points in my book!

Susan, Brandon's beautiful wife, is amazing. She carries so much on her shoulders, but you would never know it because she always, always has a smile on her face, and a hug for someone! (and the fact that she is related to Diane Bohannan and Anne Hernandez is so cool...I love me some Diane and Anne!) I would just like to note for the record, that Susan, like myself, also has 4 children. But Susan's waist is like the size if my ankle...can someone please tell me the fairness of that?! And, to further the comparison, I once offered to help pick up and do any last minute jobs around the house before a prayer team gathering...(we mom's of four have to stick together!) I figured, if it was anything like my house before people come over, it would be craziness. Mad dashes being made to throw things in closets, and in drawers, spraying the kids down with the hose, yelling at whoever decided open the bag of cheetos and proceed to do an Indian War dance on them in the middle of the (now non) white carpet. Nope, I walk into Susan's house to complete calmness. Everything was perfect! I think I pulled out a broom and pretended to sweep... Help vacuum the living room (and just on a personal note, when I vacuum at my house, the noises that follow are insane). But the funniest thing was right before people arrived, Susan (ever the gracious one!) says, "Wow, Heather! None of this would be ready if it weren't for you!" At the moment, I made a mental note hide the sign that reminds the boys to 'wipe their feet before they go outside.'

Brian Burton. Dude. For real...maybe one of the smartest and talented guys I have ever met. But what sets Brian apart from most, is he has such a grace about him. I would make the broad statement that most men struggle with showing grace! Christ had unending grace and showed it to so many... Brian really does a great job also, and I think so many of us admire that about him! I don't know if any of you have ever studied biblical history, or even the history of war...but when Israel went to war, God actually commanded them to put the worshippers at the battle front to LEAD the army as they faced their enemies. God set this precedence so that we will know how important it is to worship when WE face the enemy (I know I am digressing here, but stay with me!). So, my point is, that each weekend when Brian rocks it out on stage with the worship team (shout out, AB and BR!), he is leading us into our personal battles for that week against the enemy. That is quite a job, my friends. Plus, I always laugh when I see Caleb watch Brian...he thinks Brian is the coolest guy ever--Caleb has said on several occasions he wants to grow up to be like Brian and "sing to God on stage and wear cool glasses." Love it.

John...oh, that John! I once referred to him as a 'ham' (while he is on stage), and he corrected me and requested that I only refer to him as a Turkey. Everyone please take note!

Of course, then we have Mary. I have blogged about my pal Mary before...but she is truly fabulous.

Rob! Rob reminds me of the cool older brother of a family. I have to say I am partial to Rob, he has shown such kindness to my boys, especially Aidan. As a mother, to have someone take the time to show compassion and affection to a child that can be deemed "difficult" is HUGE. My eyes well up with tears even thinking about it...my boys have such a void in their little lives for positive attention from the "father-figure", and Rob has hit the nail on the head when he gives my sweet Aidan a hug or let him do cool things like hang out in the storage room with him! Rob shows the compassion of Christ to not only my children, but to everyone who crosses his path. It is amazing to observe! A little funny thing that you may not know about Rob, is he has this really weird thing about stairs. He has to RUN down them. Not once, but every single time! I can attest to this because my desk sits right by the steps in the office, and when Rob comes down the stairs, I have to stop typing. Otherwise my typing would look like this: Woiayufnao afdiahhhhajaf daa ad.

Okay, my faithful blog readers...the person who you voted that you wanted to hear the most about is...da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaa: ERIC! (Insert applause here)

I have to tell you, Eric is my homeboy. (Anyone want a shirt that says that?!) I am sure that Sandy Walker would back me up on this statement: Eric is the funniest one out of the bunch, hands down. In fact, I am laughing now thinking about how funny he is...actually maybe I am laughing at some funny events that have happened to him, but whatever. (Okay, I still crack up about Hunter punching him "you know where" one weekend, and I think the whole Little Camper's Volunteer crew was roaring in laughter. I must tell you this story in person. The facial expression was the most hysterical part!) I have sat here for about 30 minutes now trying to type how much I respect Eric and appreciate his leadership in our church, but I CAN'T! All I can picture is his face when he was in the midst of his pain...I can't stop laughing!

...and still laughing...

Okay, okay...I must focus. I don't think there is much about Eric that we don't already know, or that I haven't blogged about already. Oh course we know about the fact that he was in Future Farmers of America and proudly watches race car driving (the roar of laughter is beginning to swell up in my throat again!) but did you know that he sang at Carnegie Hall in New York in high school? Actually, I joke around with Eric, a lot (mainly out of defense for his teasing of the stupid things I say!) but he is the glue that holds our office together. He works very hard, and is doing amazing work for God. Although I still blame him for the whole twitter-thing. I just don't get it.

Sandy openly admits that Eric is her favorite...I, however, cannot...I like them all the same. Okay, FINE, Eric is my favorite too...but only by default because Sandy and I always find ourselves totally cracking up about Eric. Funny, funny Eric. (Actually, just so you know, I think Eric is everyones favorite...Rob just told me the other day that Eric was Trey's favorite too...so join the ban wagon!)

I have to say, that I am SO blessed to have this job...I love Keystone, and as I think about the staff, I am just amazed at the passion that each of them have for Christ and their duties as part of the Body. It is so inspiring!

Grape of Wrath...

2008-10-13T21:42:00.003-05:00

This Sunday, if you noticed I might have smelled like grape kool-aide, let me just give you a little tip on how you too can enjoy smelling like this ALL DAY LONG:

1. Fill your iron with water from the little red cup in the kitchen.

2. However, please be SURE you grab the OTHER red cup that is filled with grape kool-aide instead.

Comments from the peanut gallery...

2008-10-04T21:59:00.002-05:00

So, today I mowed the lawn. That's right, friends, I said I MOWED the lawn. Not something I enjoy doing by any means, but I did it. I am sure it was quite a sight for the neighbors to look at...between the stalling out, backfiring (and subsiquent screaming on my part) and almost wrecking the mower into the side of the house!

Upon completion of the job, I noticed my two older 'angels' standing with their hands folded across their chest shaking their sweet heads while they surveyed the yard. This is what I over heard:

Noah: There are somethings that should just be left up to us MEN.

Caleb: Yeah...just remind me to not let her cut my hair EVER.

ATTN: SANDI WALKER

2008-09-26T22:54:00.002-05:00

dude, seriously. I know you are reading everyone's posts, yet no posts from you in quite a while. SERIOUSLY. What's up, yo.

Holly Peterson=Woman of Grace

2008-09-22T22:17:00.003-05:00

I am sitting here sobbing. I can't stop!! I just read Holly's blog post, and well, you just need to read it for yourself:

http://holpeterson.blogspot.com

My heart literally hurts for the road that she and her husband have had to walk. I could not imagine how difficult this season must have been for her...but here is what leaves me stunned. I would have NEVER known Holly has struggled! I have never seen her less than upbeat. i have never seen her not giving of herself to others...whether on the Welcome Team, or Worship Team, or CONSTANTLY throwing baby showers for other women at Keystone. Through, I am sure, what was painful for her...she still gave of herself. Amazing. (Okay, the tears are starting again!)

While I read her post, I could not help but think the powerful ways that God is going to use her to teach other women. Not only women that struggle with infertility, but all of us! I am so completely inspired, by you, Holly...the grace you walk in, is amazing.

So, I could go on and on...but I must go to Walmart to get some Waterproof mascara. Gee, thanks, Holls!

Say a little prayer...

2008-09-15T19:48:00.002-05:00

Hey, Friends...if you don't mind saying a little prayer for my precious Caleb this week, I know it will be well received.

Caleb suffers from severe dyslexia...it actually is so bad that it affects other areas of his life beyond the basic reading and writing difficulties. Needless to say, he has a hard time in school. Through a series of events and discussions and conferences sweet Caleb is going to go to 1st grade on Wednesday instead of his 2nd grade class.

Caleb is such an amazing kid, that he cried (don't tell anyone!) only for a few minutes, but quickly found things to be excited about! He will be the tallest kid in the class...and probably the fastest...which of COURSE means he "will always get to be running back when they play football during recess! Score!" Ahh...the mind of a football fiend.

Anyway...if you would just say a prayer for him and his courage this week, I would be so thankful. And if you see him at church this weekend, an extra pat-on-the-back or kind word would be SO appreciated.

Next time I am buying waterproof.

2008-09-12T20:54:00.003-05:00

Note to self:

If you ever have a little (scratch that...HUGE) emotional breakdown, always, repeat: ALWAYS check your makeup before you take your boys to football practice. Otherwise, you will end up with the following question from a random 4-year old kid:

"Are you like, batman's girlfriend, or something?"

Of course, I just did a little fake laugh, and continue to sit clueless, until I catch a reflection of my self in one of the other football mom's Chanel (that are not fake!) sunglasses. And let me just tell you, it wasn't pretty.

Oh, and by the way...a big thanks to my older boys who said NOTHING!!!!!

hmph.

Keystone Shout-out ala duex

2008-09-09T20:38:00.003-05:00

Due to popular demand, I have decided to write another Keystone Shout-out...

So I was thinking to myself, "hmmmm.." (I told you I always start a thought to myself with 'hmmm...' a very bad habit!). Anyway, so I was thinking who should I write about this time and all of a sudden a bright idea popped into this head of mine...only it turns out it was not a bright idea, yet it was the shining reflection of Jill Hand's white teeth! Dude, seriously...she could totally be in a dental hygiene commercial. She has the biggest, prettiest and whitest teeth I have ever seen. I secretly believe that she smiles so much not because she is so happy all the time, but because she wants to show off her pearlies!! All kidding aside, I love, love, love Jill! I just could not imagine anyone ever having a mean word to say about her...she just has the best heart, and kind spirit. Her husband totally cracks me up too...so funny.

So, of course, I then think about her mother, Susan Robertson. Wow, what a role model! Susan (I have to resist the urge to call her Mrs. Robertson!) When I think of her, all I can think of is the word GRACE. She speaks with grace, carries herself with grace, and just always seems to have it all under control. I just hope she never sees me in Walmart with all of my kids...yeah, needing some grace in those moments!!

Okay, so with the Walmart thought, I HAVE to tell you about when I first met Shelly Vandiver. (She is hysterical...) I was in Walmart with all 4 boys, in the cheese section, Jimmy is screaming (he has this thing about wanting to be held at the worst possible moments!), Aidan is leaning out of the cart somehow sticking his feet into the cheese blocks, and Caleb is swinging a mop ju-jitsu style at Noah and almost hits this poor elderly lady in the head. I am sweating bullets trying to not to absolutely have a complete freak-out moment (which would have involved child protective services), and I hear a sweet voice say, "Excuse, me...do you go to Keystone Church?" I straighten up, and flip into Carol Brady mode, and somehow try to Stepford-laugh my way out of the next few minutes. But, Shelly loved me anyway. Now THAT is a true friend!! Not to mention Shelly wrote me the sweetest card and email I have ever, ever gotten in my life. She gets what I struggle with... it is amazing the people God puts into our lives! Shelly...we MUST hang out soon!

Speaking of hanging out...I always say I want to get together with Lindsay Arita. But we never do...sigh. But at least I have a texting buddy! Lindsay is a ton-o-fun. Well, not really a ton, I think she only weight about 90 pounds, which is the weight of my right leg! But whatever. I know a little secret about Lins...she can sing, sing, sing! I sat in front of her and Bryon (such a cool way to spell that name, BTW) at a Communion Gathering and she shocked me with her voice! (I can shock people with my voice too...but not in a good way! ha ha) Beautiful.

Have you met my friend, Amanda? She comes Saturday nights, and I normally sit with her in service and subject her to my singing and hand waving. I actually met Amanda at football practice for one of my kiddos. I thought she was WAYYYY too cool to ever be my friend, but I made small chit chat anyway...and then one night she came over and kept me company in the freezing cold as I sat with my kids by myself. We have turned into great friends since! She is so level headed and coooool. Yep...I am friends with the cool crowd. (haha...)

I need to tell you about my friend, Robin Hiscott, but she really deserves her very own post. If you have ever met her, you know what I mean! She has the craziest sense of humor, ever...and a very cool story. She has a special place in my heart.

Oh, I must, must, must mention Amy Bain. Woo-hoo! Sorry...just any time I think of Amy, I mentally shout woo-hoo. Amy has an amazing heart and joy that is unmatchable. i just don't know if I have ever seen her without a huge smile on her face. Plus, she is a little crazy...she dared (repeat: DARED!!) to take Aidan and Jimmy plus her two kiddos to Main Event one night while I was moving. It actually was very very sweet of her. I have such a hard time asking people for help, and during my move I really, desperately needed help! So she offered to help, and I accepted...then felt guilty and nervous so I called her back to tell her never mind...but she insisted! Sh even drove to my house to get the kids! Wow...forever grateful! That was huge for me! It helped so much! Thanks, girl...you rock!

Okay, and I have to end with my dear friend, Mary Coker. I am SO glad to have Mary as my friend! I am here to tell you, I think she is my smartest friend. If I am ever in a mental state where I could not make a decision for myself, I would totally have Mary speak for me! She is genius...and let me tell you, I would NOT mess with her either! She really should have been a lawyer...whew...I sat with her in a meeting when she was not happy with someone, and I got a little nervous for that guy! And, I totally admit, when I have issues at work and I have done all that I can do with whomever I am having issues with...I just go get Mary. She always says the same thing, "Let me talk to them." And the issue is settled promptly. End of story. I love it! I wish I had a lot more of Mary in me! But what makes Mary special is she has the kindest eyes, and the most caring spirit. There have been several times when I have been in a bummed mood and been FINE, but when she asks me if I am okay, I lose it! haha...poor Mary, I know I don't even make sense when I start bawling to her...I get all squeaky voiced and I babble...I may even possibly drool too...I know, that is a horrible image! But I blame Mary. I am really so thankful for her!! (insert cheesy grin here!)

Okay...enough for tonight. Coming soon: Keystone Shout-Out: STAFF Edition. Everything you secretly want to know about what I know about who you want to know about... You know?

...I'm baaaack. (insert crazy laugh here)

2008-09-08T20:04:00.004-05:00

Wow...a month and a half with no blogging outlet! I have so much to say, and i have no idea where to even start! Here is a quick break-down (almost had one of those this week, BTW) of what has happened over the last few week. And of course, this is in a list, because we all know how much I love making lists! (shout-out, Melissa Montana!)

1. buried my macbook. Ouch, that even hurts to type that! Let's just say that macs, water, and little boys pouring water on them are not a good combo. More on this story later..

2. Craig came home... God is amazing--he wants to come home for GOOD in March!!!! (I don't think there are enough exclaimations for that sentence!) !!!!

3. !!!! (Sorry, still praising God over #2)

4. We moved houses. Ugggggg...hate hate hate moving. (you hear me, right, Angie?!) It was horrible. But we moved into my inlaws home, which is much bigger and has a HUGE backyard and a pool. So I am excited to say the least. Not to mention that it is literally right behind the church, so my office, the school and starbucks is all within a 2 mile radious. Who could ask for anything more?!

4. Did I mention Jimmy had to get stitches again...well, technically he was glued, but you know what I mean. I swear I heard the nurse say, "The D'Amico's are here AGAIN." I think we go to Cook's ER more than we go through any fast food place. No kidding.

5. I started an intense diet. But I have lost 20 pounds in 4 weeks. I actually am very proud of myself! I really struggle with my weight, so the loss of 20 pounds is very exciting for me. I am going crazy telling people too...some guy honked at me while I was sitting at the light on 1709 the other day...so I rolled down my window and told him I lost 20 pounds. I think he just wanted me to drive since the light was green...and I don't think he even spoke any english. But who cares, I lost 20 pounds!

6. More to come on this later too...but I just have to say I have some pretty amazing friends. Some of the best friends I have ever had in my whole life. I am so thankful to God for these people that he has placed in my life. You guys rock...thanks for being there for me. (even when I inhale my tissues between sobs....still laughing about that, Beth.)

My weekend at Keystone...(Part One)

2008-08-06T18:28:00.000-05:00

I actually just found this draft...I think I meant to post it a while ago... But whatever.

I must warn you...you are about to enter a dangerous territory: the ramblings of my brain.

Saturday Night:

It took us almost 13 minutes to get out of the car. Between digging in the car to find Caleb's other shoe (oddly enough we weren't able to find it by smell...), realizing Jimmy threw his sippy cup out the window somewhere on 1709, and Aidan had some sort of explosion causing a smell that I think alerted the Environmental Protection Agency. (Which I think is why we were not able to smell-out Caleb's shoe.) I think I was sweating by the time I actually got in the doors.

Saw John E...felt the urge to apologize again for Aidan ripping up the paint in the 4 year old room. (Don't ask...still emotional about that one!)

Saw Eric and Rob. I love those guys...I feel like they are like older brothers. Great guys.

Oh, and Angie! She looked FABULOUS in that red dress. I am thinking about starting a petition to force her to wear bright colors more. And she called me her "favorite Suki" I love her for that. (Beth...you know what I am taking about! Shout out to all my GG fans!)

Speaking of GG...Had a conversation with Angie about it, and I totally saw Eric roll his eyes. Lemme just say, I weigh about 200 pounds more than Eric, and I will throw down if anyone ever disses Gilmore Girls. And besides...He watches race car driving. Seriously. OH...AND he was in Future Farmers of America. So, hmph!

Robin is home! If you have not meet Robin--she is so fun. I am trying to get her blogging. She is hysterical.

Chatted with Diane (Bohannan!). I always feel relieved to see her...and she gives the best hugs. Seriously, love, love, love her!

Music was great. Loved that song Surrender. (I will buy anyone a Starbucks who helps me find out who sings that on iTunes).

Brandon's Message: awesome, as always...

It's the simple lessons in life...

2008-07-25T23:49:00.002-05:00

You know, as a mother, I am constantly thinking about what profound lessons I need to teach my wonderful, angelic boys. For example:

"What the Holy Spirit is...and not what they THOUGHT it was (please see previous post, Church Germs, for details.)"

the ever-occurring lesson of the cartilage structure of the nose (they have banded together and swear they can touch their brain when a finger in jammed in deep enough in the nose.)

"the 310 reasons NOT to punch your brother." especially when above experiment is in progress.

But, alas...I have somehow overlook a lesson. I am truthfully surprised I did not receive suggestions on this lesson in at least ONE of the "What to Expect When..." books. So I have decided to take this opportunity to share this lesson with everyone.

Things that do not belong in the toilet (that were rotor-rootered out of my over-flowing toilet today...)

1. toothbrushes (especially your mothers...)

2. bouncy balls (now illegal in the D'Amico house due to multiple findings)

3. forks (I am kinda still nervous since I am still missing 3)

4. blue crayons (I don't CARE if you saw your friends have blue water in their toilet!)

5. number 5 is still a mystery since it could not be identified. I think at some point it was either a GI Joe or maybe Superman. (I knew I should have never told them what people do when fish die...)

If you think I am joking, or exaggerating in any form, I will happily introduce you to my plumber...we spent quite a lot of time together today.

Angie, Angie, Angie...

2008-07-24T00:29:00.002-05:00

So, with the upcoming birthday of our friend, Angie, I began to think of some reasons I was thankful for Angie:

1. First person to say hello to me at Keystone. (Isn't that cool...)

2. She ALWAYS helps me look for the child that I am missing at the moment. (This is beginning to be a weekly occurrence...very frustrating!)

3. Angie actually was my very first blog subject ever...kinda freaky when I think about it!)

4. She sings my favorite songs like an angel...Come Ye Sinners, None like Jesus...

5. She loves OU. Boomer Sooner, baby!!!

6. GG. (I think only she and Beth will understand that one!)

7. She is all-knowing of FellowshipOne.

8. She can sing in an australian accent. (not so much thankful for that, but hey, it's cool)

9. Angie is the chick that girls want to be, and all the guys want to hang with...she's cool like that.

10. She sends me random texts during the week...and I love it! (and between you and I and the internet...I really think she is just showing off that she can text at super speeds with her new iphone!! I am on to you, sista!!!)

Simple list...but Happy Birthday, Friend!!!

I think God has His Holy Bullhorn to my heart again...

2008-07-23T21:24:00.004-05:00

I just need to forewarn you of yet another serious post, but it has just really been on my heart for a few weeks now...

As I think about how much I love the family that I call Keystone, I cannot help but see how much pain and heartache passes through the doors of the church any given weekend. While I know pain in life is expected, and I praise Him in those times because Paul tells us God's power is the strongest while we are at our weakness. (I have personally experienced this in an amazing way!) But what is pulling at the strings of my heart is how sometimes when I am at church I am all smiles and "make my rounds" to say hello with a quick hug. As I sit here and blog, I am so sad to know that I have missed an opportunity to show God's love to people who needed it. I get so rushed and scurry about (Jimmy in tow!) I do not slow down enough to REALLY ask how someone was doing... to really focus on how I can encourage them. My heart has been sick while I think that I did not allow someone the time to really answer my question of, "How are you doing?"

Interestingly enough, my devotion the other day was about Christ telling us to not dwell on the past, however focus on today. I think God is shining his grace on me at this very moment to allow me the opportunity to learn more of what my mission is for Him. I believe that God has absolutely set my heart on fire with a passion. Although, I am not even sure what to word is for this yet... maybe significance? But I do know the point. God does not want anyone to come into His house and leave without knowing of Him and everything He is...His grace...His compassion...His desire to call you His child and comfort you when you hurt. God encourages us to gather in fellowship with one another for so many reasons, but one is to care for each other. To encourage each other. To comfort each other in times of grief as He has comforted us. (I can literally feel the Holy Spirit screaming those words in the deepest part of who I am.)

I sit here and think of how many wonderful friendships I have developed at Keystone. Selfishly, I have thought that God has blessed me with these friends just, well...for just ME! But tonight God has shown me there is more to why I have the friends that I have. Most of my closest friends have such a strong walk, and faith that cannot be rivaled. They have openly shared their stories of heartache and times they have had in the Valley of the Shadow. And as I sit here God is showing me how through my wonderful, wonderful job at Keystone, along with the gifts that He has given me...how important it is to connect people who are in whatever valley they are going through at the time, to those who are singing praises at the tops of the mountain over looking similar circumstances God has seen them through.

I know there are people in place at Keystone that are already doing this...I immediately think of Jan Franke (Love you, Jan!). Jan knew of tremendous heartache I had, and literally took my hand and led me to someone who could possibly help...or simply encourage me, if nothing else! I know God had this profound moment for me for several reasons, one of which is to help me understand and to experience (taste and see!) what God wants me to do for Him.

God is just so amazing...I have no more words...just humbled, thankful and excited. My heart has just been overwhelmed with sorrow the past few days hurting for those who hurt in our church. But in the sadness, God is near (!) and is beginning to define what He has planned for me. Amen!!

Just sayin'....just sayin'

2008-07-15T21:15:00.004-05:00

So my dear, sweet friend, Sandi, challenged Noah (who, let me reiterate is NINE) to a swimming contest.
Does anyone ELSE see how far she is stretching out?! And look how intense her expression is...let me once again reiterate my son is NINE!!!

And here is a sweet picture of Landon. He is saying some thing to me...I can't remember exactly what, but I think it started with, "My mom" and ended with "cheated!"

I am in Strike.

2008-07-12T02:41:00.000-05:00

Note to my two blog readers:

I am on strike until Sandi (my soul-sista) posts another blog.

STRIKE, I tell you, STRIKE!

God's Purpose for you and me...

2008-07-12T01:45:00.004-05:00

If you are like me, you have heard that phrase over and over again while we grew up in church. "God has a purpose for you."

I think I heard it so much I became deaf to it for many years. Sure, I believed He had a purpose for those "power hitters" and people that had obvious talents that they could use for God. But what about me? To be honest, I thought maybe I was somehow skipped when God was passing out talents and gifts! I have no huge talent, or obvious callings (or so I thought!)...I was just me. Just me...but with a desire (that left me frustrated with what to do with it.) I have thought that if I were a women with influence I would lead other women. If I had a voice that could carry a note (actually on key!) I would sing to praise Jesus. If I were uniquely creative I would create for Christ. But I just don't have those talents--All I have is a desire.

But news flash! That is what God wants! He wants us to have DESIRE to serve Him. This revelation was huge to me! And as a side note, I know that in the Bible it has told us that God speaks to us in the silence. "God is in the gentle breeze." But to get this message across to me, I think my Holy Father must have pulled out His Holy bullhorn to get His point into this thick head of mine!

So, in my journey to discover what "God's purpose for me" is, I realize the first thing we must do is submit to that desire to serve God. "I have a passion to serve You, Lord....what do You want me to do with it today?" I encourage you to pray that prayer if you question your point and are feeling a little lost. It has done amazing things in my life! Acknowledging and submitting to the desire to serve God has allowed me to hear the gentle whisper that God has placed in my heart. I get chills thinking about what God has planned for me.

And one more thing...If you are like me, feeling frustrated at a lack of obvious talent. Allow me to point out that TALENT and GIFTS are different. I thought for the longest time that they were the same...but more on that later. It is good stuff!

Kodak Moments...

2008-07-10T21:01:00.003-05:00

I took the boys swimming today, and Aidan (aka: Handsy Bernard) got ahold of my camera, so I ended up with a shot like this:

I kind of giggled at that, and then I scroll to the next "Aidan picture" and I see THIS (Please note background!):

Which quickly resulted in THIS:

Sigh...caught by the camera.

a mini Donald Trump...

2008-07-06T21:28:00.002-05:00

Aidan: I'm hungry...

Me: I am not making you another sandwich.

Aidan: You're FIRED!

An open THANK YOU!

2008-07-06T18:02:00.002-05:00

I am not sure who left me a note on Jimmy's stroller this weekend...but thank you so much. The words were amazing and SO encouraging to me! I think I must have reread it about ten times since I have gotten home! If you are reading this, please know how touched I am.

I think we all needed this little reminder this week!

2008-06-29T00:18:00.001-05:00

Peace and a Pedi

2008-06-29T00:14:00.003-05:00

Wanted: A few moments of peace.

Needed: A pedi. (its a little rough down there right now, ladies!)

Anyone want to go with me??

Team Rinn!

2008-06-28T22:28:00.004-05:00

Okay...so not to do a back-to-back commentary on my friends, BUT I totally am lovin' me some Bethany Rinn! I LOVE how God gives us friends that are special right from the first time you meet.

I remember when I first saw Beth, I thought to myself..."Hmmm....I like her. Yep. Need to be friends with her!" (Side note: when I think to myself I always start with Hmmmmm.... for instance, "hmmm...I wonder who always puts the empty milk back in the fridge next to the empty bottle of juice." or "hmmm....I wonder which child stuck the fake lizard in my sheets.")

Bethany is truly fabulous. Always a beacon of joy. How can one NOT be happy around her?! I love being around happy people!

And I must say that my kiddos love her husband, David! Jimmy loved him so much that he wiped his boogies on him all night long. When Jimmy loves ya, he lets you know in a BIG way!

And while we are on the subjects of David...I will totally admit I have an embarrassing story involving him! I get a little pink in the cheeks even thinking about it. It is one of those "open mouth, insert foot" moments. I may have to save that post for another time...That post will be my Top 10 embarrassing moments! No kidding. I almost cried with embarrassment. And, not a shocker...I ran to tell Sandi about the stupid things that come out of this big mouth of mine, and she laughed! Yep. I laughed too...but one of those weird "I am really embarrassed so I better laugh before I cry" laughs! It probably sounded a bit like Betty Rubble's laugh...ha ha.

So, let me end my endless blabberings with:

"Hmmm...God, thank you for Bethany Rinn."

P.S. I am going to start selling Team Rinn T-shirts. Your choice of color, $10.00. Interested?

Inspired and thankful

2008-06-21T23:03:00.000-05:00

I just have to say how proud I am to call Diane (Bohannan...sorry, HAD to say it!) a friend. She is so special and has such an amazing call from God. What makes her so unique and special is when she ministers to people she does not wave her hands and make a big deal out of it. She is discreet, gentle and full of God's love and grace.

Diane puts together Ladies Night Out every couple of months. She always makes sure to invite everyone she knows, extends the invitation to anyone new to Keystone and tells everyone to invite more people! She does this for fun but also with a quiet purpose. Sometimes we get so caught up in hanging with JUST our friends, that we don't realize that there may be someone on the "outside looking in." I talked to her once about it and she said that she had felt like that! (Hard to imagine, I know!) But what is so amazing about our sweet friend, is instead of feeling sorry for herself, she turns it into a ministry to ensure that no one else ever feels the same way! WOW! How inspiring on so many different levels! Instead of trying to figure out where she belongs in a certain friendship circle, God has placed it on her heart to look outside of the circles.

God has used Diane to touch my heart in amazing ways. My heart swells up even thinking of the times that Diane has just shown God's grace and love to me in my moments of pain. I told you once before how when I was hit with some tough news, I asked Diane to pray with me (I actually don't know if I even got that far...I think I started crying as soon as she looked at me!). She was so filled with empathy and compassion that she sobbed with me. I just think about that time and it makes me think of Christ's compassion and love for us...and how special that Diane showed that to me that night.

The past few months have been rough for me, and I have had moments when I have felt absolutely hopeless and I just sit there and pray...and NO KIDDING Diane has called me every single time right in that time of need! It amazes me each time she does this...and I tell her and every time she responds with "God just told me to call you!" Seriously. How cool is that.

Diane has her own struggles...her pain is constant, she has burdens to bear that could drive a sane person crazy. But the interesting thing? When I think of Diane, her struggles are not the first thing that come to mind...I always think of her profound relationship with God, and how she always truly shines for Christ. And that is so inspiring to me! I HOPE that someday when people think about me, they would not associate me with the burdens I bear, or the struggles I deal with. But instead think of how amazing and loving our God is through selfless actions.

Change can be painful...

2008-06-21T22:07:00.000-05:00

After years of begging, I finally allowed one of kiddos to throw the change into the toll booth this weekend. I guess my sweet child got a little confused and ended up throwing the $1.25 in loose change out the passenger window...and to make matter worse it HIT the attendant who was working the next booth over!

I was so stunned I gunned it! Of course the alarms go off (because we didn't deposit the money into the basket) and my son starts sobbing thinking that the police are coming after him and he is going to jail for sure. It doesn't help that I totally start to crack up thinking about trying to explain this to the TDOT.

My Day So Far...

2008-06-18T11:21:00.004-05:00

1. Took Caleb to his Dyslexic school he is going to this summer. Left the house at 7:30 (on summer break, trust me, he is not a happy camper!)

2. Came home to discover that the dog got back into the house and has chewed up about 5 poopy diapers from the garbage.

3. Aidan smells the horrible stench and proceeds to run upstairs and throw up on my bed.

4. I grab all the blankets and sheets throw them into the washer.

5. Clean up diaper fiasco.

6. Shower Aidan

7. Want to call Terrie to vent...phone no where to be found....until I hear the clunking sound coming from the washer.

Plans for the rest of the day?

1. buy new phone

2. check into insane asylum

YEA!! YIPPEE!!! WHOOO-HOOO!!!

2008-06-15T21:32:00.003-05:00

The draught is OVER! Sandi has finally blogged after like 6 months of NOTHING!! I know, I know...for you fans of Sandiwalker.blogspot.com, it has been rough, hasn't it?! Woa is me! I have had nothing to crack up about...nothing to lift me out of a bummed mood...nothing to relate too!

So enough about my rantings (Although I DID threaten Sandi with an all-out protest if she did not start blogging soon!): I thought that I would blog about my dear friend. I know I gave her a shout out a couple of blogs ago, but it really did not do her justice. So, I came up with a top 10 list!

(Drum roll please...)

10. I first figured out that Sandi was potential BFF when I first met her at church and she couldn't remember my name so she just called me "D'Amico." It makes me laugh even thinking about it..."Hey, D'Amico, What's up?" (Can't you just picture it in your head?)

9. She watches the same infomercials that I do...at 4 am. The only difference is she actually ordered what I almost did!

8. She really is the best mother I have ever met. When I said before that I aspire to be like her, I was not kidding. She is amazing! Her children are so lucky to have her as a mom!

7. She introduced me to Chipotle...'nuff said. (never mind that she called Todd in the middle of Target when I told her I had never eaten there, and they had like the 10 minute laugh-fest.)

6. I was once praying with Sandi...really serious stuff too, and one of the kids did something in the background, and she totally started laughing, and snorted! YES! SNORTED during my outpouring of grief to God! ...this sealed our friendship for life!

5. So, I know this post is about Sandi...but how could I write about Sandi and not mention what a wonderful husband she has! Todd is so sweet...they are a perfect match.

4. When she was pregnant, my poor friend had a problem with her pubic bone...and she showed Eric and I exactly where she hurt in detail!! I really don't know if I have ever seen Eric walk away from a conversation so fast!

3. Sandi will tell you that compassion is not one of her spiritual gifts, but I beg to differ. She cares so much about her friends...she is someone that you can count on to really pray for you when you need it. She has such a big heart and her faith is amazing.

2. Okay, one more story with Eric (these seem to always be the funniest ones!)...once one of my sweet children punched him...well, I will let you guess where! I (with my 12-year old potty humor) had to run around the corner before totally lost it from laughing so hard. Sandi walks up and asks why I am laughing so hard, I tell her in between giggles of the event (which I should tell you in detail some time--so, so funny). She starts laughing really loud (I think a couple of snorts came out then too), and yells over to Todd to come over. So Todd comes over and he starts laughing...then a few other people join in. Poor Eric. He was in pain, and he had no clue that half the Little Campers Volunteers (including his wife, I think!) were huddled together laughing at his misfortune. Who else better to laugh with than Sandi?!

1. People have told me often, that I remind them of Sandi, or we are very much alike. I take this as such a compliment because I just adore her! When we hang out, I feel like I am hanging out with my sister or someone I have known my whole life. I really thank God for Sandi all the time.

If you have a funny story to share about Sandi, let me know! I am sure that it will boost her spirits (not that she needs them boost!) to know how much we all think so highly of her...I mean, really, who doesn't love Sandi!?

Leavin' it all behind...

2008-06-11T22:25:00.007-05:00

So, had to go to the doctor today with ALL 4 boys!

While I am there, the doctor informs me that I have to get a shot.

N0 big deal, right?

The boys are all watching me prepare to get this shot--I roll up my sleeves, and am acting calm...until the nurse tells me to bend over! I look over at the boys in horror, and they look at me and the most evil little grins form on their faces!

Let me just tell you, my friend....my children are still laughing as I type this. And my cheeks are still red...(ALL of them!)

Keystone is so RICH!

2008-06-05T19:54:00.003-05:00

Noah and I went up to the office (aka: The Lodge) a few days ago, and he had to go to the bathroom. He came out with wide eyes and said,

"This church is so rich! They have Sports Illustrated in the bathroom!"

My New Favorite Thing!

2008-06-05T12:54:00.002-05:00

Have you ever treated the person in line behind you at Starbucks?! So much fun! The drive-thru is the best though... I am excited even thinking about it! You must try it!

What a bummer....

2008-06-02T22:47:00.002-05:00

The saddest thing happened today! Someone stole my Noah's bike! My heart just broke for him...he loved his bike. And too make it worse, his Dad gave it to him, which made him love it even more, I think. Man...I am just so bummed.

Please just pray for Noah. My eyes tear up even as I type this because he is a 9-year old boy who struggles to be happy. It is so hard for him with out Craig here...and this week has been a rough one and the whole bike-thing just didn't help at all.

Noah is incredibly talented. He has amazing athletic abilities, he tested perfectly on his TAKS test, he can write profound poetry, he has a compassionate heart for the "under dog." I love him so much, and my heart aches to the core that he just cannot find contentment and a positive attitude. It really is heart wrenching...

Geometry--D'Amico Style

2008-05-30T20:30:00.003-05:00

Anyone up for a little word problem?

1 unopened bag of cheetos + 4 boys wondering the trajectory of the said cheetos when jumped on =1 very mad mother resulting in congruent angles (x3) of the spank board to little rear ends.

(if you thought that I was going to say PRICELESS, not a chance. I will gladly show you the carpet cleaning bill!)

a different perspective...

2008-05-25T20:39:00.005-05:00

Let me recant my mother's day 2008. Worked at church, went to my inlaws to make lunch...jumped in the pool to save Jimmy (while still in my church clothes), went home to change, came back, 30 minutes later took Jimmy to the ER for stitches after he tripped over a scooter...

The cool thing is that my mother-in-law snapped a picture of me holding Jimmy in the ER, and I am so proud of this picture! I am proud because how often do we ever get to see ourselves just simply loving on our children during non-happy moments? We all have posed pictures, and candid snapshots of us hugging or smiling with our kids...but this one is shows me loving my precious Jimmy when he needed it. And that is what makes me honored to be a mother. So Happy Mother's Day to me... best gift ever.

(...and if anyone is wondering why it took me so long to post this after Mother's Day...I was slightly traumatized! Have you ever seen someone get stitches?!? Needless to say I will not be posting those pictures because I doubt my insurance will cover your claims after you pass out and need stitches too!)

So long Sponge Bob...

2008-05-25T20:26:00.004-05:00

If anyone is interested in knowing how I have plan on spending my retirement, please refer to my child's teeth. Because all I have left now if enough to buy a rocking chair (and that is after the money that I do have sitting in the bank grows during the next 40 years)....

It is almost a shame, though...I am quite fond of his teeth. It takes an awesome personality to have teeth like these and be proud of them!

Prayerless Christians

2008-05-20T23:33:00.000-05:00

I had a brief conversation with someone this week regarding prayer. I was so disheartened to hear a self-proclaimed Christ-Follower say that she doesn't pray! She doesn't think that prayer works for her...and her "wishes never come true." I walked away from the conversation with some serious thoughts swimming in this (sometimes shallow!) head of mine.

The major thing that was screaming in my heart is how on earth can we ever begin to feel close to God and really truly experience a relationship with Him unless we talk to him? I mean, have you ever tried to have an intimate conversation with someone that you hardly know? Uncomfortable! We have to put the time into prayer...learning to pray...learning to talk with God...and learning how God speaks to us!

The Bible INSISTS that God hears and answers believed prayers.

"Call to Me and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things that you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

If you ask anything in My name, I will do that." John 14:14

"Whatever you ask in prayer, believing you will receive" Matthew 21:22

"If you abide in Me, and I abide in you, you will ask what you desire and it shall be done for you" John 15:7

A prayerless Christian is like someone having a million dollars, but no concept of the value of money. The gift that God has given to us to talk to Him whenever we want, wherever we want, however we want, is HUGE! I mean, seriously!

And, I believe, the more we talk to God, the more powerful the bond become between us. The bigger the bond...the harder it is for the enemy to get a strong hold through our weaknesses. Satan wants our faith (Brandon said that this week, in fact!) Let me say that again: Satan wants our faith! Satan WANTS us not to feel comfortable praying. Satan WANTS us not to be in the habit of talking to God about everything. He wants us to feel that we are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things that God really doesn't care about the little things of our day-to-day lives. And that, my friends, could not be further from the truth!

Most of you who read this, I know already know this amazing information...but I think the more that we as praying Christians actually "pray out", the more it might catch on with our prayerless Christian friends, and evoke questions opening doors for us to encourage them in their walk. (BTW--What does "pray out" mean? I just sort of made that up, but I mean pray out loud, in the moment,wherever, whenever, with no shame.)

This subject is so much deeper than I could ever really blog about...and the truth is it almost midnight and it has been a long day. I may reread this in the morning and realize it doesn't even make sense! Oh the ramblings of a tired mom...

Keystone Shout Outs!

2008-05-14T20:13:00.002-05:00

I was thinking today about some different people at Keystone, so I thought I would blog about them...

First person was Sandi Walker (whom I have appropriately titled in my blog address). Possibly the funniest person I know. But what makes me like Sandi even more than her laugh-out-loud humor is her honesty. I don't ever feel like I need to guess where I stand with Sandi. I can tell her anything! Love it! I also LOVE the way Sandi loves her children...what a wonderful mother. I aspire to be a mother and friend like her!

So while I was thinking how cool it was that God has let Sandi and I become friends, I had to think about Diane Bohannan. One thing about Diane Bohannan, is I always say "Diane Bohannan." Aways. I just love saying her last name. Bohannan. Bohannan. Bohannan. Okay, so not as fun to type...but you get the point! And on with mine... She has an amazing amount of faith. Have you ever heard Diane (Bohannan!) pray?!? Profound. Impactful. Inspiring. Diane was the first person that I absolutely sobbed in front of....and she is so sweet and filled with compassion, she cried right along with me. She will be a friend for life.

Then I started to think about the family link between Diane and Anne Hernandez...I have not really hung out with Anne a whole lot yet...but LOVE her! I will openly admit that I have signed up on the waiting list to be her new BFF. (Although, I did have to inform her, I may have to remove my name from that list because she used the phrase "cool beans." Luckily no one was around, so I will leave my name pending. But I had to give her the 411 that it is not 1992 and no one says that anymore. Geez, Anne!) But talk about great style! She always looks super-fab. And I figure that if you were standing in the end-zone of a football field with Anne, and I stood waaaay back at the 50-yard line...we would look about the same size! ahhh...proportional distance does wonders! Can't wait to get to know her more....But for some reason, I think she might be interested in getting to know Holly Peterson more first. And a personal note to Holly...the Bible DOES say 'Turn the other cheek!"

And who cannot help but think of Amber Mahon. Pure joy. I wonder what her flaw is... I mean really, she is absolutely stunning, and even more beautiful on the inside. Talented, friendly, compassionate...she is that woman that is described in the Bible as a Woman of Grace...and she laughs at farting jokes too. hahahah....is it bad that I even laugh as I type that?! hahaha (still laughing!)

So I know Amber and Trey are good friends...so started thinking about Trey and Danni...but I can't blog about him again...that would be weird. (except here is a thought...was it the Amber who made me think of Trey, or the thought of farting!?!)

To keep you on the train of thought I had...I then start thinking about my coworkers. And I arrive at Eric. I think Eric is one of my closest friends, and he probably doesn't even know it. I have a ton of respect for him. He made me feel valued at Keystone when I first joined...and it made such a difference in my own life. He has a different style of leadership, and I think it will take him so far in his journey for God. He is one of those leaders that is right there with you digging in the trenches...or whatever. Sorry! I couldn't think if a good analogy. I also LOVE the way he is in love with April. He once told me her middle name and smiled when he said it...how sweet! And most of all...Eric is secretly skilled in some strange form of Karate. I saw him do this side kick in the office today, and I think I grew an ab muscle from laughing so hard! (Side note: If you see an 'As Seen on TV: Rock-hard Abs from laughing at Eric', just know the idea started here! Do I hear the cha-ching of royalties?!)

And of course, THEN I think of April. Sweet April. My father-in-law swears she looks like Jodi Foster. Do I hear an Amen?! April carries herself so well, doesn't she? When I first met her I thought...oh, better not hang around her too much--she is really smart! (and just until that week, I had always spelled stopid with two 'o's. Duh...everyone knows there is only one.) And one more thing about April...home-girl can pray!

Okay...so enough of my mental train rides. Maybe I will type more about my people- ponderings later...

Sweetest Picture...

2008-05-13T21:12:00.000-05:00

You never know how a simple comment will change a life...

2008-05-13T01:14:00.000-05:00

You know, to be totally honest, I am not the most confident person. In fact, I would have to say that is my biggest struggle in life... that being said, typically when someone gives me a compliment, I just don't believe it. Hardly ever. BUT, today, I had a moment! It was HUGE for me...such a moment in fact, that I can't sleep because I am so excited that someone expressed such confidence in me. Me!

So here is what went down. I was talking to Trey at the office and I was having a completely honest conversation of what I wanted with this job and church. Typically, I would never say what I dream and aspire to be...only because I fear that people will look at me like I am stupid for even thinking that I could be anything besides an assistant. But I told him one of the goals that I had for myself...and he looked at me and said that I was cutting myself short--I have more potential! It is exciting to even type those words... Trey is my boss, and I have a massive amount of respect for him and what he stands for in his faith, work ethic, his honesty and his love for his family. So for him to say those words to me, really is making me take another look at myself.

You see, I have these desires that are deep in my soul of how I truly want to serve God. But I just thought they were dreams, wistful thinking. There are days that I feel confident that I have specific spiritual gifts that I need to use to serve Him...but then I allow my lack of self esteem to overpower my hints of potential. And I keep them a secret...In fact, I don't think that I have ever even shared what I think my spiritual gifts are with anyone! Not even my family. But now...maybe I should reconsider. Maybe I can do more that I thought was a "reasonable" goal for myself. Maybe, I need to drop this dead-weight of worthlessness and allow myself to run for God. Maybe...

So, now that I have blabbered on and on... you just never know how a simple comment will change someone's life!

...to fetch a pail of water

2008-03-29T15:10:00.003-05:00

It was Mother Goose Day at my kid's school this past week. And of course, we are running around at the last minute trying to put together an outfit. My sweet, sweet Caleb is looking desperately for a jacket. A jacket? Seriously...it is like, 80 degrees outside! His response?

"I have to have a jacket if I am dressing up as Jacket Jill!"

Blah.

2008-03-06T16:17:00.002-06:00

I know God has really saved me from a depression with everything going on, but today has been a rough one. I am lonely. How can a mother of four boys be lonely? I don't know, but I am.

Waitin' for the green...

2008-02-18T16:50:00.002-06:00

I am sitting in the truck today, kids crying, contemplating the the pros and cons of being deaf...waiting FOREVER for the green light.

I wait, and wait some more.

I really am about go nuts with impatience because this STUPID light wont turn green already!!! The anxiety and stress continue to build. Kids are crying even louder now! Help!!!!!!!

I grip the steering wheel even tighter and beads of sweat begin to form, my chest is tight with stress...this is when I realize stop signs never turn green.

hmph.

(Side note: This is not the first time I have done this either.)

10 Annoying Things About Me...

2008-02-12T13:16:00.000-06:00

1.I use way too many exclaimation points when I write!!
2. !!!! (see! I can't stop!!)
3. I hate to change lanes when I am driving. Seriously. If I know that I need to turn right off of a street or highway, I will totally stay in the right-hand lane the entire time. It drives people nuts who ride with me.
4. I watch the news religously. Except, my "news" is E! celebrity gossip. I hang my head with shame as I type this...sigh...
5. If I can make it through the day with out someone wiping their nose on my shirt, using it a handiwipe, something quick to stop the bloody nose, or an a shield to protect the carpet from the fluids that project out of my kiddies...you better believe I am wearing that shirt again tomorrow. And proudly!!
6. When I don't know what to say next, I have a terrible habit of saying, "sooo...anyway"
7. I have an odd obsession with buying certain items when I go to the store. Even if I know I have some at the house, I still buy it! Mascara, baby wipes...tubs of butter. Gross, I know.
8. I make stirfry every single Monday. No one in my family even likes stirfry. I just make it. And have a ton of left overs.
9. Okay, so this one is more of a confession more than anything else. I, (whew...starting to sweat and shake as I type this one!) I have sent my kids into childcare knowing they have a poopy diaper. Ohhh...I know this is so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the few (I promise, just a FEW times) I have done this horrible disservice to humanity, it has been out of dire need of a break. I have a had kids in diapers for the past 8 years, which 5 of them (collectivly) I have been by myself. A girl needs a break, OKAY?!?!?
10. Sooo...anyway...

Innocence at its best...

2008-01-24T13:48:00.000-06:00

Years ago, when my now, 7 year old son, Caleb, was only 2 or 3 is in the kitchen during a magnificent Texas lightening storm. Of course it was night time, so the sky is just lighting up in a spectacular display...

Lightening strikes, and Caleb high-tails it into the living room. I hop up expecting him to be frightened, and he looka up at me with his beautiful awe-filled eyes and states:

"Mom! God is taking pictures of me!"

Sigh....love it.

Church Germs

2008-01-24T13:39:00.001-06:00

A volunteer at church walked past us wearing her red Keystone Staff shirt. My son, Noah, stops dead in his tracks and pulls at my arm (I am surprised I even felt it, carrying 2 kids, and trying to explain in a hushed voice why it is not appropriate to fart in church to my 3rd son.)
Noah is wild-eyed and pointing at this dear lady in red.

"Staff!" he yells..."she has staff! Don't touch her!!"

I then had to stop my detailed explanation that"passing wind" is not the same as the Holy Spirit even if you do it in church, to the difference between STAFF and STAPH (infections).

The smell has caused my nose to go on strike.

2008-01-11T16:39:00.000-06:00

We have an odor problem in my house. A BIG one. And I say "one" loosely...it really is about 8 problems. My boys feet smell soooooo bad. (I normally hate it when people write with over-abundance of vowels, but, trust me, this smell warrants the added o's.) For all the mothers of boys out there, I am sure you will sympathize with me on this one! In fact, I have set up a fund in my name for those who would like to donate to my therapy bills...

So, on with my story, I had sent the kiddies to bed last night, and I am sitting in my room, attempting have some quiet time...the whole time I am sitting on my bed smelling this horrible smell. I know this smell. I start to panic. It is the smell of stinky-boy feet!

My panic deepens when I:

1.)know the kids are in bed and

2.) begin to think that I may have developed a "stinky-boy-feet" problem!

Not I! Oh, please, oh please! I know that I am doomed to suffer through the next 20 years of stinky feet with my kids before I pass them off to a poor, unsuspecting wife...but surely the good Lord would not curse MOI to bare this ghastly smell on my delicate sized 9's! (okay, FINE, size 9 1/2...)

At this point my breathing as become labored and spastic. I am hopping around my bathroom desperately seeking lotions, potions, hospital-grade sanitizers...only to see out of the corner of my eye, my oldest son's head (who's name is with held to protect the innocent..cough...NOAH..cough, cough), pop up from the base of the bed. He looks at me, and calmly asks, "Geez, what's your problem?"

MY PROBLEM!!!! Alas! It is not my problem!!!! It is his stinky feet! Oh, the joy! My precious tootsies have been sparred...I am not doomed to a life of odor-eaters! Rejoice! The skies have parted and the angels are singing!!!

So I send my son BACK to bed with HIS problem of stinky-boy-feet, along with the added problem of a sore butt for getting out of bed!

Being in the cool crowd at Keystone...

2008-01-11T16:25:00.000-06:00

So, okay, I have like blogged maybe twice in my life...but since all the cool people at Keystone blog, I guess I will too! (Oh, to be a cool person at church...)

Anyway, I have taken the only other blog entries I have ever written and posted them below. I figure that might help my chances of not having a dorky-looking blog. That would hinder any attempts of reaching coolness...geez.

Whoa!!! Warning!!

2007-12-11T16:34:00.000-06:00

Current mood: disgusted and traumatized!

Okay, so I innocently read this book called Skinny Bitch. (sorry for the vernacular!) I thought it was a diet book...but alas it was not. It is a PETA book in disguise! Now I will never be able to eat meat again...I am scarred.

Woe is me...this book has me so freaked out that I can't even smell meat anymore. Have you ever walked into Kroger or somewhere and smelled the rotisserie chicken and though, "yummmm that smells so good!" I can't even do that anymore! I almost lost it the other day when I smelled someone grilling outside. Oh help...I am doomed to a life of soy milk and nuts...

So a warning to anyone wanting to continue to enjoy their hamburgers, or their BBQ chicken, or their steaks--DONT READ THIS BOOK!

I have subsequently sent the authors my therapy bills. Sigh....

Currently reading : Great Vegetarian Cooking Under Pressure By Lorna J. Sass

Coolest thing ever happened to me tonight

2007-12-09T16:32:00.000-06:00

Wow. I mean a big WOW. I went to church tonight, thinking it was just going to be a normal communion and worship thing, my older two boys were getting baptized, so I was excited about that, but I never thought I would be the one that walked away with so much!
The pastor was talking, explaining that he was going to pray and then we were going to pray silently to ourselves. During this time, one of the singers (who I proudly would call a friend), Angie, comes OFF the stage. It was like slow motion, but I remember thinking, "whoa, she is looking at me…oh wow, she is getting closer…am I in trouble…oh she is walking to me! Then she leans over, and with the most caring, sincere look in her eyes, she said she wanted to pray with me. (I am starting to tear up even rethinking this! Haha) So, she starts to pray…not for my kids, not for my family, not even for my hubby who is in Iraq. But she prays for ME. It was like she knew what was on my heart, like she knew that I have been lonely and so overwhelmed.
It was easily one of the coolest moments in my life. I would have to say that it was one of the first times that I really got that God really knows what is going on in the deepest part of my heart. Things that I don't think that anyone understands, even if I tried to explain. I mean, I have always known that God knows, but this was like an immediate reaction to what I had been thinking on my way to church. I just remember driving to church and the kids were all yelling and had attitudes, I was stressed, hadn't heard from Craig, and I just felt so, so alone and I just thought, "Geez…you would think that God would give me a break just for a few minutes!" Which, I know, is a selfish thought… J
It was so touching. I want to say it was humbling, but it was more than that. It was uplifting. Encouraging. It was a sense of PEACE . Peace is something I rarely experience, but without doubt, I had peace.
Wow….
Currently listening : Adoration: The Worship Album By Newsboys